Another one joins the flock (Part II)

[Mike85]

mishka:

Thanks for the support. Both my C and my son's C supported my stand three weeks ago for the very reasons you stated. My C pointed out, however, that I was going to have to find a different way to present my decision's reasons to W, as she is in this fantasy world in which OM is family. Hence my arguing from the custody angle.

W has made, and continued to make selfish and strange decisions.

She claimed that she wanted to be with someone who was in shape, active, had an active social life, spent more time with her and the kids, didn't "need" her...

... and chose an OM who is 5'8", about 190 lbs., is completely out of shape, not active, by her own admission sits around in front of the big-screen TV and eats all the time, is at work so much that she only sees him on weekends, doesn't really dig the kids, and is a very needy Type A personality.

... OTOH, I'm 6'4", 190 lbs., am now in the best shape of my life (thanks to all the exercise equipment she bought during the early stages of her MLC), am constantly doing stuff with the kids, am going to parties, seeing bands, and reconnecting with old friends, have learned how to run the household (shopping, bills, housecleaning, yardwork/maintenance).

She is currently with someone who is the opposite of what she says she wanted.

I've improved and become - originally for her, but now for me, the kids, and my new life- the person she *said* she wanted.

Toss in her new smoking habit, poor eating, etc., and I just pity her sometimes. I told C that there are times I'm not sure I even *like* who W has become. C reminded me that W is, in a way, "sick" and that I need to think of it that way... not to excuse her actions, but to understand them better and make it easier to forgive. And C reminded me that, in a way, W is responsible for the transformations in me, so I should always be grateful to her for that, regardless of the outcome of our R.

My C is a wise woman.