I must say that the Retrouvaille program is a great one. And I do recommend this to any couple who is having problems, no matter how difficult it seems for them. JAck I did what you said, opened up, and listened to what she had to say. This tool of dialogue may seem so easy but it is not. But it is very effective and does get you in touch with your feelings. I think for the first time in a long time, she has comeback to our marriage whole heartedly. She is the one looking up questions for us to dialogue on starting tonight, and on into the future, because as I know now, you cannot stop working on your marriage it will always be a work in progress.
Just want to share two phrases that I learned from there and that is God does not make junk and the second phrase is If you do what you always did, You will get what you always got. Makes alot of sense to me thats for sure.
Confused, My H & I have made two weekends, the first 11 years ago, and our second one was this past February. The phrases that you note are very good ones. Also, remember that Love and Trust are not feelings, they are Decisions. Same is true with Hate. (took me a while to figure that one out!) Try really hard to dialog every day until your first post session, and don't be afraid to ask for help from your presenting team or other Retro alum on this site. Peace. My sitch = http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1516497
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Well we dialogued last night and we will again tonight. Our first post session is this saturday night. She told me to promise her that when she ask me to forgive her for her wrongs that I not be surprised. I think we are making progress, but I still have alot of angry and mad feelings for what she did, and I'm trying to cope with them. It is almost like I have a feeling of I should of just let her go, so she can see for herself, instead of me fighting for the marriage. But she means the world to me, but I'm just hoping these feelings go away.
Good luck with this. We went to Retrouvaille as well (early Feb. 07), and would also agree that it is a wonderful program. In fact, I would suggest people take it before they get married! Probably not a possibility though.
The Retrouvaille program claims a 70-80% success rate. Unfortunately, my experience falls into the 20-30% unsuccessful rate. We dialogued one time and my stbxW stated that communication is not our problem and again gave me the ILYBNILWY.
Hope you make it to the 70-80% range.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
