Coming to terms with the fact that reconciliation is becoming less and less an option. Two big factors on my end that is persuading me of this. Intimacy issues, even when emotional level was high, and her having not ever dealt and probably won't deal, unless it's a precondition to piecing, with the fact that she has behaviour issues as a result of her being a child of an raging alcoholic. (there are sitch's with her dad to this day - if she forgets to call him he gets miffed, he's sometimes is drunk when she calls and it's unpleasant and so forth).
Still unsure what is exactly going on but it's unhealthy and not helping the sitch, nor my W. My W will have a huge taste of reality in the coming weeks and it will be very trying for her as she watches her family crumble, her M crumble, the financial stress and possibly legal consequences as a result of her actions.
He is amazed that W has chosen to not be with kids more...that she is chosing her friend over her children. We tried putting each of us in her shoes and were at a loss. Just doesn't make sense unless you factor in the la la land she's in and possible manipulation/bad advice she's getting from her new friends. Sad. I wish I had no feelings for her about this. Need to detach even more.
Comforting thoughts from C that if d happens and W is lesbian, the kids should be fine emotionally being raised in this type of environment although it's better for mom and dad. Unhealthy that almost all quality time being spent with kids is while OW is present. The court even frowns on this. The kids behaviours are starting to reflect the tension of this aspect of the sitch.
He recommended that I find 10 to 15 minutes a day to clear my mind of problem-solving and thinking to just relax and listen. What is God telling me. What am I not hearing. I told him I try to do that every night before going to sleep by praying the rosary. I will try both now.
He also said, that I and only I know what's best. Not the L, not him, not friends/family. It is true that I am being bombarded by all three with what I should do, not do etc...What is best is win win, happiness for both, and great environment for the kids. However, there is reality to deal with.
He agreed that this week/next week will be the most challenging for me, quite possibly the most stressful since the sitch began. I need to keep focus on what is right (the kids) and the day to day things, not the future. It still doesn't take away my fear, my compassion for her, and everything else. This whole process makes me sick. I am glad to be able to vent this here. Time for me to buck up and call my L.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
