Losing, in a curious way, is winning.

[Bridgestone]

My personal thought is that you two are focusing on "fixing" it at the break down point or before the break down point. I kinda think maybe you should just let the communication break.. and then take to your corners.

And by take to your corners do you mean in the boxing ring? Because that is usually where we go when communications break down. That is harmful to the R., feeds my fears & I pull further & further away, makes him feel like a failure so he pushes harder to 'fix it'. ugg...

or do you mean let it break down and go "opps!! We need to take a break come back when we can do it better" ??

by having space, thinking time, processing time, energy rebuilding time to have my confidence to state what I wanted outloud in the room

I understand that this is about changes you are making. We may drift apart here on this thought. The changes you make.. need to have a mindset of making both "people" happy. I mean the goal is to make the R better. So within the setting of DB.com.. you need to understand.. and I think you do.. something that works for you.. may not be so clear to the other person. The other person may.. see it as more of the same with cherries on top. The idea is to pull yourself out.. and in doing so they run along behind you. Someone used a dancing analogy once.. you can ask for someone to dance.. and leave the option for them to say yes or no.. or you can say nothing and hold your hand out.. and leave the option for them to say yes or no. You don't need to understand.. why they said yes or no.

I'm still ruminating on this one... I'm struggling to see how that fits my sitch? I'm suppose to make the changes that are good for me, doing what I need to do that is healthy for me, with the intentions of making us both happy??

If that is what you are saying, then as someone who is struggling with co-dependent issues.. that is a very narrow line for me to walk. I'm getting better, but I know I'm not there yet.

OR is it that

I'm suppose to work on me for the good of the R and hope he runs along behind working on himself??

Sorry if I'm being dense here.. I'm seeing a glimmer of light of understanding with this after thinking about it for a few days since you posted it. Just asking for some more clarification.

Thanks for your help & insight!

Bridge