Not sure I fit into the "dear friends" category just yet, but WTH! I just love being #1!
Also, thought I'd mention that it seems VERY common for our H's/S's to paint a much more negative picture of than is the truth. After all, that allows them more sympathy, lets them get "out" of things they'd maybe rather not do anyway without looking liked "wimps". Shifts the blame. Is that fair to us? Of COURSE not!
I think you approached this the right way. Not sure why your H got his back up. Maybe the old ways are hard to give up? I mean it worked for so long (Can't do that...SHE wouldnt' approve, poor me!) that maybe it's something of a default response.
Perhaps you might want to reassure him in a calm moment that you really don't want to RULE every interaction he has and don't want to play "Mommie" to him. NOT a good dymanic.
For a time after the "bombs" my H went overboard on getting my "approval" for all kinds of little things: going out, going on the computer etc. It was a little annoying after a while! I finally told him (in a letter) that I really CANNOT control what he decides to do, who he sees, or calls, and I don't want to be the one to do so. That's HIS job!
So somehow you two need to get to a place where your H does feel more comfortable mentioning things (like the invites) in a truthful manner. It might mean you biting your tongue a few times so that he can learn first hand that his honesty won't come back to bite him on the A$$!
I just love being #1!