On Friday, D4 and I did go to the concert with H. We all actually had a good time. H & I had one of those discussions on the way home that we shouldn't have had. He took some blame, but told me that I ultimately pushed him away. He joked a little about OW's H. I told him that OW's H and I may have both made mistakes in our marriages, but until someone cheats on H and OW, they will NEVER EVER know the pain that they've put us through. H did the typical denial that I ever tried to save the marriage. He rewrote history, not wanting to remember any of the good times. He gave me the...."it just happened" explanation of things with OW. I told him that I don't believe in that. I told him that even if the first time just happened, it was a choice on his part to let it continue. Um, kind of blew up and said....I didn't unzip your pants and stick your d*ck in her. Kind of a crewd way to put it. I started asking questions about the extent of his R with OW. He said...Well, what do you think?....It's not just an experiment.....I mean, yeah, we're looking long term to a future together. H admitted that they hadn't pushed forward with the plans yet because OW's H has stopped her from taking the kids and that the situation is going to get ugly. H is looking for a 1 bedroom apartment for right now. He even asked me to come and sit down with him to look online at the places he'd been looking at and calling on. Nothing close to where OW lives. Not sure what OW's doing. Don't really care. H asked me why I was asking the questions. I told him that D4 is the reason.
On Sat. H worked in the morning and I took D4 to a b-day party. After the party, I rented a cargo van to get some things moved. We moved a lot of stuff this weekend. We moved some things to the new apt. & in & out of storage. H asked me if I could keep a couple of pieces of furniture (heirlooms) for him until he got a place. We got all but just a few things of mine out of storage. I saw a bin that had all the love letters that H had written me. I'll probably pull them out, read them, have a good cry and then burn them. H told me that he likes the new place I chose. I told him that I was glad that he approved because I wanted him to know that D4 was in a good place. We finally got things done around 6:30 last night. It had gotten so hot. We took D4 to the pool to relax and cool off. It was nice. I caught H on the phone with OW. His eyes told me the truth, but he still tried to hide that it was her. I kept my mouth shut but wanted to say.....H, why hide it?....here we were, just a couple of days from separating, we both know now the extent of your R with her....but you continue to hide it. Oh, and my FIL knows about us splitting too. H said the first words out of his mouth were...When are you going to wise up? I asked if he knew about OW. H said no, she has nothing to do with this, so why bring it up now? Oh well, I'm sure it will come out eventually.
So, one other thing to tell you all. After the conversation about OW & H's plans, us splitting things up....etc., H attempted more than once this weekend to be intimate with me. I know that WAS's have a twisted view of life and kind of feel that having intimacy with their spouse while involved with another person is okay. Don't get me wrong. I don't care about OW but I kept wanting to ask H.....how do you think it would make her feel if she knew? Don't you think that it would hurt her? I KNOW, especially after H's description of OW's H on Friday night, that he'd be livid if he knew that OW & her H were still having sex.
OHHHH, and my H said to me on Sat.... You know, I kind of like waking up and not having a hangover. It feels good. He said, I don't really miss drinking that much. I said, (with a choked up voice & tears in my eyes) Well, I sure wish you wouldn't have missed it a long time ago. He looked at me with shock, as if it was the first time ever that he even thought it was an actual possibility that his drinking was a problem all these years.
Well, it truly is time for me to get busy. Have a good day.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
