I'm going to post a short response since I have to go out and won't be back till later in the day. But I will respond fully at that time, promise.
We were in similar situations as I was with H 30 years, married 25 when he left. And yes - I don't care what anyone says - OW is a parasite. A horrible piece of crap.
Your situation differs from mine in the fact yours is coming back for sex. Mine never did. He did move back home one time. But it only lasted a week.
I will be glad to answer all your questions and offer the best insight that I have. But first - I want to ask you a few more.
Do you REALLY feel that you love this man with all your help and want to be with him despite all the horrible things he has done to you?
Can you really, truly forgive and forget if he did want to come back and have a fresh start? This is a personal thing - I thought that I could. But I know now that I was wrong. I would NEVER have forgotten. It would have hurt and haunted me till my dying day.
When he comes back and uses you for sex without going out or doing things as a family - how does that REALLY make you feel?
Sometimes it is so important to give ourselves a reality check. One thing you have to consider is this:
If he REALLY wanted to be with you - he would not still be with OW. He would be with you.
One more thing to ponder:
Is fear holding you back from moving forward???
Please think about these things. I will check back later and respond to you more fully. But I'd like you to take time with your answers first.
Have a good day!
Barb
PS: I am happy that your H is being financially generous. Mine was NOT!
