Oldtimers: Return or not..what finally happened?

[Sanderika]

Hi BarbieDoll,

I want some advice I can work with here...

I LOVE WHAT YOU JUST WROTE TO PEACE!!!!!!

My H and I are (were) High School Sweethearts. We have been together 29 years and married 24. (1) S12.

I am 35.5 months into this separation. My H left and had OW in the wings 1 week prior. H is still with OW. H & I started our own company at 19 years old. H kicked me out of my company on 3/13/08 and put the BFF of the OW in my job. OW has been on the payroll ever since as well. I still hold 50% ownership in the corporation. H sends my salary every week, covers my gas, health and car insurance and cell phone.

I should add: My H hated me when he left and now we are friends. We started to rekindle our friendship in Jan. '06

Well here I am 4.5 months later...sitch still the same as March. H and I last ML on 7/11/08. H has come and gone numerous times over the past 3 years...never moved home would just spend a night here and there we never go out for fun or as a family. I get shot down if I ask so I don't.

H told me on 12/31/06 that he didn't love me anymore and that he loves OW. At this point in time I don't see the R with OW ending. I have posted my whole story on other threads...I would like you to read them if you have time.

I like what you just said to Peace...Her sitch hits home with me. I want to move on but I AM SCARED TO DEATH. I have never been with anyone except my H. I love him very much. I guess I have to realize that H has moved on and I am not in his future plans.

When do you know it's time to file for a D?

How do you approach H?

In DR, Michelle describes "a last resort technique to the LRT",
Should I implement that completely before I file?

At this point H will not file so is waiting futile?

H doesn't want to implement a D for several reasons IMO:
Financial
Security
As long as M won't have to permanently settle down w/ OW
Cake Eating
Lazy
OUT ON A LIMB....
Maybe he thinks we still have a chance
Maybe he is working through his MLC in his own time frame and
he plans on returning....I DON'T KNOW!!!!

H will be 45 in a week and I will be 45 in a month....I am tired.

I wonder If I file will I be happy. Peace and I are at a crucial point in our lives and decisions are hard to make. When you have put your all and everything you could have possibly done to restore your M fails and your H is still being STUPID!!! where do you find solace? Does a D really bring solace? Does a D bring more years of pain? I am hurting so bad just like so many here. I really can't go further, or can I?

The OW in my sitch IS A GERM. I HATE HER. She has continued to date a M man and flaunts it all over the place. I know my H has been a willing party to the A. HECK, I think I am the mistress and OW is the wife on most days!!!!! IF THAT ISN"T BS CRAZY STUFF. I know my H feels he is chating on her when he is with me. Being M 24 years is a long time. HECK we have had more sex in the past 3 years than we had in the previous 3 years to the separation. GO FIGURE!!!

Please help me....I am at a crossroad and I need to go left or right soon.

THANK YOU SO MUCH,

Sanderika