Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

Hi OD,

Wow I really appreciate all of your support! It sounds like you've been through a lot yourself, and I can only imagine how difficult it must all be!

In terms of the work trip, I'm currently based in Ireland, I could either go to the UK or to Poland. The UK would make regular visits here easier, for counseling etc., but I have lived there before, and I don't necessarily know if it's a good idea just to step back into my old life and also let friends know what's going on. In Poland I would come back less, but would still be able to come every couple of weeks. I am really glad to hear you say that you think the idea could potentially have an impact. In one way I feel like I am escaping my problems, letting my husband stay in the house and remain comfortable instead of having to move into a probably uncomfortable roommate situation. I worry here (I know I'm worried about everything) that he will be so complacent and comfortable that me coming back after a couple of months will make him very uncomfortable...

Anyway in terms of being a source of strength, I have always offered to edit his papers and projects. I could continue to do this, but it requires me pursuing him. I guess the only situation right now where I can see myself being a source of strength is the one where he wants to talk about his feelings, how unhappy he has been in the marriage etc., and where I listen and encourage this without pushing the "We made a vow" bit any longer. I think in another way I'm being a source of strength by being the one to walk away. I just don't know that he'll turn to me for anything more now though.