Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

Hi OD,

In terms of 180s, I tried really hard to just listen to him, even the very painful parts. One of his biggest complaints about the R is that I never listen to him. So I sat there while he told me very painful things, and said "I understand", and "I'm sorry I made you feel that way", whereas in the past I would probably have explained why I did the things or explain how his actions led to my behavior. Then when we were apart for 5 days last week, I completely gave him space, as another issue was that I was controlling/smothering. I called only once, and kept it very light. When we were together this weekend, I stayed smiling, left the room when he came in, and tried in general to be out of the house. I did cry, but he didn't see me cry.

I guess one of my biggest concerns now is that H is finishing up a Master program, and it starts in September. The last thing he will want to do is put a lot of work into something difficult like this when he is so focused on finishing school. I am very fearful that he will just give up.

I hope you are right about the hope though. I just can't stop thinking that he is just doing the counseling to appease me. I mean he wants it for himself, for clarity, but not necessarily to fix the marriage. He said at this point he is not tied to any particular outcome.

ITH