What 180s have you tried? Sometimes it takes a while for 180s to have an impact- keep being patient, and look for teeny baby steps.
Also, stop asking your H to try to fix the M- this will drive him away; he'll see it as pressure. Instead, start making changes and let him notice them. This is going to take time- focus on very small steps and work towards building a friendship first.
I see a lot of hope in your sitch; H agreeing to go to counselling, and feeling bad for hurting you show that he regrets that this is happening.
