Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

So last night H and I had the R talk (more about this in a thread in the Newcomers section). He was so cold and distant, and could only talk about how he needed to work on himself, needed not to be married for a few months, needed to have a separate life. I feel as though he has completely given up. When I got to work this morning (moved out this morning), I got the following instant message from him:

"i hope you got to work ok, I am sorry that this is so rough on you, I do not like to see you sad. We will see what happens and hope for happiness no matter what form it takes. I guess I just want to find peace for both of us".

To me this sounds like he has completely given up already. I responded:

"I am optimistic as long as we are both willing to try"

Then he responded:

"just remember I am also trying to fix me too. the marriage is not the only thing on my plate."

For anyone who doesn't know my situation, I am living outside of my home country with H. We came here for me, but now I am staying for him. If I knew he wanted to end it for sure, I would leave. I feel so completely trapped and devastated, and none of the 180s I have been trying to do have helped at all. As I started giving him space, he got even more distant and cold. I think he only feels sorry for hurting me, but feels nothing like love or affection for me. I am so worried that this separation will make him see only how unhappy he was in the marriage, and no hope for fixing it. He has agreed to go to counseling every week, but if we only see each other for these kinds of conversations, there will be no joy between us.