Yup, if she tosses you a bone, take it, if she throws garbage, just let it go. This is her negative feelings taking her over.
If she can dig up something nice to say, I would bet on it being sincere, but most of the time you are gonna get her bad mood.
Think of it like childbirth. There's some joke that goes around saying never take anything your wife says to you during labour as intentional or personal - they are in a LOT of PAIN.
I have never had the pleasure of this, but I have seen enough movies with women cursing a blue streak at their husband, threatening to castrate him etc during labour...most of its likley just TV myth, but I think it will help you understand why you just need to ignore her BS.
saying she doesn't want to spend herblife with me is heavy bs. I almost applaud her for being able to say that and think she means it. I told her the door is always open though
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
yup...you have to realise she's just misrable. People say a lot of hurtful things when they are feeling miserable or angry or both.
Look at her like a child, children say "I hate you" to their parent sall the time, they don't mean it, they are just immature and pissed off.
Just let it slide off...its her misery talking.
Last spring I had my wife yelling "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU" at me at the top of her lungs. A week later she's kissing me for the great birthday she had.
Will do. Have a good night and I appreciate all the help from everyone especially the regulars like you, PDT, root, lost in space. I realize I get more airtime here than most. When my sitch looks better I will be here returning the favors and help
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I'll try to be as descriptive as I can here, with dialogue. I just dropped our son off at our house; wife wanted to talk about support payments and sort of make a "plan" for them since we get paid bi-weekly. I asked her how much it cost monthly to support our son, and not just what the paper (X) said. She was visibly frustrated by a number of things, including the divorce. she says "Do you think we might get back together?" I said that I wasn't there to talk about that, and I wasn't worried about it either. and she said "well I am" I am assuming she meant she is worried that I think we have a chance, when in her eyes we don't. She asked "why won't you let me divorce you?" objectively I stated I didn't know I wasn't "letting her" and that I don't believe in divorce or tearing up a family, reminding her a few times that I want what's best for our family, especially our son. Although our son is young, he will still be affected by this. I got the usual "I don't want to be married to you" to which I replied "well I'm sorry you feel that way and I realize marriage is a want, not a need, and at first I thought this was the end of the world but I know it isn't and life has gone on for me." when i told her the paper with (X number of dollars) wasn't set in stone or official, she immediately retaliated with "do you want me to file a complaint with domestics ?" to which I replied "being civil and mature does not include threats." She said "I'm not threatening, you tell me what you think is a fair number." Overall not a good conversation, but I left her wondering what I am really thinking. I gave her the impression I felt we weren't getting back together and it wasn't a personal death if we didn't.
Buster,
I don't agree with you that this "wasn't a very good conversation." YOU DID FANTASTIC!!! Calm, cool, collected, and you held your ground and stated your case for marriage.
so, in the end she was sighing and visibly frustrated as "we didn't solve anything once again." I asked if there was anything else she wanted to talk about and she said "no I don't want your opinion on anything, because we don't agree on anything." once again i said "i only want whats best for all 3 of us, I care about the two of you very very much."
Each time she throws garbage at you, turn it into gold and drop it at her feet with a smile.
This is a skill you will develop. You will find its really hard to keep angry with someone who loves you. You may have experienced this in some way before. Love in the face of her anger will completely disarm her.
Turn garbage into gold, it will leave her defenceless. You are doing a great job. Keep it up.
