There are some things that we have absolutely no control over. And we have no control over MLC walkaways. And usually, once they got to the point of leaving, they don't come back. Sure, some of them pop back and forth a few times before they leave for good but usually, they know when they go out the door that it is a done deal.
And we can yell and scream and beg and whine and cry. I did it all. We can go dark and do 180s and try to focus on other things but the truth is - you have to go through it. There is no way around it. I wanted to skip the pain. I wanted to mend things with a bandaid. But there was no way to do that. Instead, I bled all over the place. I hurt and cried till I ached. I honestly know the physical pain of heartache.
And I was afraid. Afraid of the divorce. What it would do to me financially (it's not pretty). What it would do to me emotionally. What it would do to my children. What it would do to my family and friends - I felt there is a real stigma to being "DIVORCED". It was NEVER what I wanted. And I tried everything to save the marriage but it was not within my power.
Someone wrote here that they want to keep on standing because they want to know they did everything they could. I felt that way too. And take comfort now in the fact that I did. I did do everything. But I couldn't do it forever.
OP might be a symptom of a problem or a bandaid in the beginning but when they've been living with your spouse for a year or more - they're real. And they're the choice your spouse made. And you can choose to stand, but it is far easier to choose to GET A LIFE!
Now a lot of people equate GET A LIFE with start dating and get into a new R. But that is really not it at all. I know lots of people from this bb who I believe have truly moved forward and have GAL. But they are not dating. Some are not ready. Some choose not to. Some don't feel they need another person in their life. So I just want to point out that moving on doesn't mean moving on to the next R.
I was terrified of dating, having married my high school sweetheart. I just could not imagine me getting out there and meeting someone. Kissing someone. Getting into bed with someone. Horrifying! Ha!
It was my kids who actually encouraged me to get back in the dating pool. They could see that I was lonely. So eventually I tried it and I didn't die from it. I was amazed that someone would actually want to date me. My self esteem was in the ground after the person I trusted most in the world had tromped on me. But guess what? Several people wanted to date me. And it wasn't so bad at all. And I even started to enjoy it. And then I met a very special man and the rest is history.
I write all this because I want to reassure you that we all felt as you do right now. We all could not imagine re-writing out lives - if you're like me - you already knew your plan. But you had to rethink it.
But change can be good. And the choices to be made are your choices. You'll be calling the shots now. And take it from me. If you aim to make the best life possible for yourself - you will.
Good luck with it all. You WILL get through this too.
