Cmon on up for the Rising on the Lake Erie Shore

[ndsmhelp]

That's what DB'ing is all about. Find happiness with or without your spouse. GAL, do a 180, take care of you first. Save yourself first. If your spouse gets a clue & wants to follow, fantastic. If not, you STILL save yourself.

Hey Neil
Just stopped over to say hi and catch up, before I go over and post on my thread and saw this from Cookie. Going to use it on my thread, because that right there is the bottom line, and my biggest stumbling block through this whole mess.

Also wanted to tell you that as I read your thread, my opinion is you are doing great man.

We all have good and bad days (I am having a bad one today, and stayed off the site just to try to get my mind off things), so hang in there.

Also, on the sex thing. You have read my story right? It's fun and exciting, but I would give it all up in a second to be her friend. A friend she could confide in, have fun with and missed when he wasn't around. Someone she looked forward to seeing and wanted to be with because he made her feel good.

NDS

[pisces9]

(((Neil)))
it was a small backslide but you recovered and told her how you should have been there for her and she heard you...and she teared up. that is progress and a HUGE step for her to see you made. see? i think that things happen for a reason..

ok? it is good now- do not wallow in it...the current sitch is that you took both D's bc she is so overwhelmed with her life...she is having a very hard time...and you are helping her- that is GOOD

tomorrow is a new day!

[Neilh23]

so i picked up the 2D's this morning (got her a french cap because i figured she would be tired) and witnessed several good things.

1....the finger paintings we made last week are front and center on her fridge.

2..... she showed me pictures of their trip to her parents house

and then....

she's talking about her outfit, and she asked me if she looked fat...
i said...laughing...i'm not allowed to answer that question....i did talk to her about her outfit....told her it didn't make her fat....i just said the shirt/skirt weren't form fitting...which she acknowledged that they weren't.

this is a good thing, right? that she asked me.....and the way i answered it, right?

[The Wifey]

You did great, Neil. That she even asked lets you know she cared about your opinion.

I had to laugh when you said you wouldn't let the D's paint your toenail. That and not wanting me to call you a cheerleader makes me wonder how comfortable you are with your masculinity. Trust me, really comfortable men go with the flow.

I had a friend that as a joke let his girlfriend paint his toenails. The poor guy fell and broke his ankle walking in the park and wouldn't let his girlfriend take him to the ER until she took off the polish! It was pretty funny.

I liked that you noted that they weren't form fitting. Let her wonder and acknowledge that you might prefer that they were so you could see her form.

LOL, Neil. You will get past the down day.

[Neilh23]

oh i wouldn't care if they painted my toenails. they're sorta young for it tho. as for the male cheerleading thing..LOL...typical DAM stuff.

[pisces9]

i think those are all god signs...and you can see them all is the best part..that is exactly what DBing is.

yes- the pictures are a cute sign and her warming up to you and asking your opinion is a good sign...this is something friends would say/do with eachother and thats where you want to be right now!

yay! hope your D is better and nice move with the coffee....

[Neilh23]

i know pisces. she asked me that all the time when we lived together.......so we are making progress...i just wish it wasn't so slow...but i know its better that way

[Neilh23]

oh and D was better yesterday.,...LOL...just some motion sickness.

[Bridgestone]

This learning stuff sucks sometimes. I wish i had a magic pill to take and i would just get it. LOL

says the teacher as the student!! LOL

Hang in there. I'm seeing some of my H's & my interactions in yours & your W's. and gainging insight.
Here's a little from my perspective that has been helpful to my H.

Another source that we have used to help him understand how I talk (not a DB source) said that women use statements as questions, as questions as statements.

Her saying "I need you to come get S2" was really a question. "Can you come get him?" It is at this point, when we are maybe the most vulnerable to your rejection.

When she asks something like "Are you hungry? Is there someplace you'd like to go for supper?" She is really saying I'm hungry and would like to go out. It's her bid for negotiations between the two of you.

Now that H & I know that is my habit, when he hears me ask a question of him as above, he recognizes that I'm bidding for his attention & negotiations into a topic of interest for me and tries to respond accordingly.

I am trying to recognize my statements & rephrase them as questions when I catch myself.

I know.. we're weird creatures

Peace Bridge

[Neilh23]

oh for the love of god. LOL....j/k

yeah it makes more sense now. I will take that into consideration. LIke i said, it wasn't that she asked...it was how...and when i addressed it, it wasn't the best time.....not so smooth...very DAM-like...LOL.

yes, i'm learning. MY curve isn't that high right now, but.....i still am.