You definately don't want to be the guy I used to be and I won't be the girl you used to be.
Deal?
I got D's in bed tonight. After singing a Journey medley, of course. They made so much fun of me. They kept trying to run out of the room, but I had them locked in.
Roomie finally got home. We are puting away groceries and D11 comes into kitchen. I am in back fridge. I come back and roomie is talking softly to her
All I hear is, "We need to be strong" . I walk over to D11. She gives me a hug. I am hugging her back. I give a glance to roomie, like what's going on. She has a blank, sad look.
"You okay, baby?" Nodding. I feel roomie looking at us. D11 steps back. She is wrapped in her favorite blanket.
"Things are going to be so different. Why do things have to change?" she whines. I go to give her a hug.
"Sometimes things change. Someday your gonna grow up and go to college and leave. That will be a change" is what roomie says.
That's all she can say? While I'm still hugging her, I lightly tell her,
"We are gonna get through this. We'll be okay. We are going to be so much stronger because of it. Okay. I love you too much."
I take her back to bed. I come back, I continue what I was doing. I am not going to talk right now. I might say something that I really don't want to.
I don't have to. I can see her face. I see her starting to tear up. She is starting to scrub the stove burners.
??????
I finish puting away the groceries. I do something in the bedroom. I come back and roomie asks me,
"Are you hungry? A frozen pizza maybe?" "I had a bowl of cereal earlier. If your hungry, I'll eat something."
I leave and take a shower. I go to kitchen and she is making a mess in the stove with the pizza. She is laughing at herself. Trying to get me to engage with her. I just walk past and grab a beer for myself. I grab two pieces of pizza and go back to my room and put my movie on the computer. She stays in the kitchen.
Did I just leave her there? Thinking? Was she waiting for me to invite her to watch the movie? Dunno. I almost did. I felt like I shouldn't. I hear the tv come on in the living room. I finish the movie, and go to living room. She is out on the sofa with the tv on. I take a pillow out from behind her back, cover her with a blanket and turn off the tv.
We'll see if she goes to church with us. Probably not. I'll get a chance to take the kids to see my parents. If she goes, then we'll do something else. I don't want her to go over. I don't think they WANT her over. At least, not right now.
Like I said, a mess she'll have to clean up herself.
Goodnight all.
----------------------
Well, roomie didn't go to church with us.
Again.
Wonder why she hasn't been going? Hmmmm. I reckon she's just as much afraid of the lightning bolt as I am. The sermon was spot on for her, too.
Taking the Wrong Way. Falling into temptations. David and Bathsheba. Oh, well.
Maybe should just doesn't want people to get the wrong impression anymore. Being at church together.
Who cares.
On the way to church, I realized I left my cell at home charging. What are the odds that she ISN'T going to snoop it?
The call from B yesterday, the calls back and forth and tons of missed calls on Friday from her. About 15 texts back and forth from my other friend D. Nothing that would suggest anything. Lunch stuff, some referral stuff, a bunch that asks to call her or that she needs to get ahold of me. Some look interesting to someone on the outside. There is one about her friend that is inviting her and I out to dinner and drinks for a favor I did for the friend.
Oh well. It will keep her guessing, I guess.
Spent some time at mom and dads after church. They were excited. Of course, mom and my sister have to start in. I get them up to speed on whats going on.
She asks how long I'm going to stay at the house, alone. I stupidly say, "Until they forclose on it." I'm dumb.
I mention that I was trying to figure out if I'll let roomie take the girls beds to the apartment.
"What?! What do you mean? Those are their beds. For the house. Those should stay in their rooms!" "But either way, mom, I don't want them to be without. At the apartment or the house. I was just thinking aloud." "Let her get her own damn sh**!" She catches herself and is quiet. I back off and go get a drink. She goes outside.
That is why I don't spend a lot of time there. But I need to from now on. That is going to be our family time. For the girls. We just hang out. Talk to my sis a little. She is angry, too. They just can't seem to let it go. It's not directed at me. It's roomie.
We spend a few hours there. Head home. Roomie has had no idea where we were. I bet it was bugging the hell out of her. We get home and she has started to gather a few more things to get ready. Stacking stuff by the wall on her side of the bed.
Of what USED to be her side of the bed.
The bathroom is spotless. The bookshelf where she took all her nick nacks. She put a bunch of my stuff up there. Packed more stuff. Some frames. Wedding pics? Our marriage book. It was a wedding gift. A display book. Talks about two souls coming together as one. She had taken it down a while back. Some framed pics of us? Probably for the girls room. Looks like she is going to take all the loose photos, too. I need to bring that up. A hanging plaque from my mother about daughter in laws. It talks about how her son picked the right one and how she is now a daughter?? Photo albums and her books.
She cleaned behind her dresser. The dresser itself is still exactly the same. A bunch of crap on top of it. Vaccumed. Steam cleaned some areas. The stove. Baking stuff. All being cleaned. She is making roast for dinner tomorrow. She had made some homemade potato chips, expecting us home for lunch. She asks if the girls are hungry. She wants to make hoagies. She asks if I want one. I say sure. She makes one for me, too. We sit at table together. Girls are in front of tv watching Hannah Montana concert. I am facing tv. Not a glance to roomie. My peripheral caught a glimpse of her looking at me.
She is acting weird. Guilty concience most likely. She is trying to be nice to me. Not sure why. I'm definatly not trying to engage her in anything. I respond to her, of course. Nicely. And I'm being upbeat. Humming my Journey songs. Wonder if she saw the tickets on my dresser that were conspicuously placed.
I also realized that she really splurged on groceries last night. Lots of name brands. Lots of stuff we don't usually purchase, being on a budget. I saw receipt. $225! For just this week? Not stuff that she plans on taking with her.
She left to take all the stuff that nephews friend had here. I left my bible in her car. It had the bulletin for todays sermon in it and all my notes.
I hope she snoops THAT.
This coming week should be interesting. Friday is move in day. I talked to D's a bit today, too. Told them that I was going to be okay. Not to worry about me. Or mom. We have to accept what is going to happen. We can't change it. I don't want it either, but we will survive and get through it. And be strong for each other. We'll talk every night to catch up and good nights. They'll do the same when they are here at home with roomie.
I'm gonna have to give her a new nickname after Friday.
Suggestions?
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Wonder if she saw the tickets on my dresser that were conspicuously placed.