My guess is that you are more than healthy enough to handle "seeing" the OW.
But that doesn't mean that you have any desire to socialize or become great friends.
And I'm with you on this issue, though I suspect that to a certain extent we are picking at nits on this one.
I have seen the man that my ex is currently living with. My boys have been to his house where she now lives and have stayed there. Based on their reports, he is a nice enough guy. As far as I can tell from what they've said, he has never been inappropriate in his dealings with them. At this point, that is all I require.
My ex and her OM came this past year to see my S16 play baseball. She asked me if it was ok to bring him. My reply was that I had no problem with it, but that she should not expect to socialize with me while he was in her company. And she respected my wishes.
The truth of the matter is that this man is a liar, a manipulator, and an adulterer. My problems with him are because of the man he is, not that he is with my ex. At a vulnerable time (following her suicide attempt) he wooed her into his life by telling her that he had never married (age 49) because he had never met anyone better than she (they met when she was 16, over 26 years ago). She bought it and thinks he is a wonderful godly man.
Well this godly man carried on a 500 mile adulterous relationship with a woman who was married for over 20 years, had two boys - one still at home, and who had just been released from in patient care for a suicide attempt. He KNEW all of these things. I know he knew because I TOLD him these things.
He later allowed her to break her promise to her youngest son to NOT leave our area until he graduated. He allowed her to break her promise to spend a Thanksgiving with her boys by sneaking out of the state to be with him.
This is NOT a good man, despite the face he puts on to my ex.
And yes, it pisses me off that my boys have to spend time with him.
So, I know where you're coming from, and I think it's all good. In your time, and in my time, we will be ready to be amiable to these people, not before.
It is not a sign of weakness and it is not a sign of being too attached to our situation.
Sometimes it's just a matter of right and wrong.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
