Sounds like a good idea. Get your mind off of the sitch any way you can. (((Sawks))) I am sorry this is going this way for you, but never say never. Concentrate on you now, and love yourself.
what i don't get it, how can she be content with herself.. i see how she is breaking out due to stress and all.. it's odd.. thank you for the hugs, i really have not had one in 3 months.. with my family living 14 hours away... i have dealt with all this alone (well sort of, but phones help).. my friends are mostly all married, and the "friends" we had together , well most don't speak to me anymore..
i have been concentrating on myself.. and i think i am doing well..
how can she have the balls to look me in the eye and then go on a date..it floors me
right now i want to cut off all her benefits (she gets everything thru my work still), change my cell number, cut off her gym membership (paid thru work, well she thinks it is, but really it's on my dime, i just haven't told her yet)..
Sawks, believe me, I have asked the same questions myself. If you get an answer, let me know!
It is all easier said than done, isn't it? I see how much weight my H has put on, he is exhausted, and how his face lights up when he sees me. And then...nothing. I wonder if we are ever supposed to understand this, or if it is one of life's many lessons we are supposed to get through without every really knowing the meaning.
(((sigh)))
But here is another hug (((Sawks))) because those always make everyone feel better!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Sawks, believe me, I have asked the same questions myself. If you get an answer, let me know!
It is all easier said than done, isn't it? I see how much weight my H has put on, he is exhausted, and how his face lights up when he sees me. And then...nothing. I wonder if we are ever supposed to understand this, or if it is one of life's many lessons we are supposed to get through without every really knowing the meaning.
(((sigh)))
But here is another hug (((Sawks))) because those always make everyone feel better!!!
((lola))
sigh is right.. u know what tho.. i look good.. my w doesn't look much better..(she looks the same) she laughs at my jokes and such, but u know what else, my name has likely been dregged thru so much mud with her friends.. i would be curious what sort of email she plans on sending my brother and his wife, and my mom and dad.. very curious.. they love me no matter what..
i don't get all of this.. i am getting tired of not having "anyone" .. real tired of it..
i'd like that she change her mind, but day by day/.... geesh
SHE WILL HAVE TO PULL AWAY FIRST BEFORE SHE HAS ANY CHANCE OF COMING BACK.
Pull back more. You have made GREAT memories these last few months and reminded her of what she will be missing. I think perhaps it is time to let her miss it.
Have that talk with her about the gym membership. Let her know you are paying for it, then ask if she wants to pay for it herself.
Maybe it's also time to have a real conversation about dating. Try some boundary setting about not having people over maybe?
I'm just trying to brainstorm. I hope that makes sense.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
SHE WILL HAVE TO PULL AWAY FIRST BEFORE SHE HAS ANY CHANCE OF COMING BACK.
Pull back more. You have made GREAT memories these last few months and reminded her of what she will be missing. I think perhaps it is time to let her miss it.
Have that talk with her about the gym membership. Let her know you are paying for it, then ask if she wants to pay for it herself.
Maybe it's also time to have a real conversation about dating. Try some boundary setting about not having people over maybe?
I'm just trying to brainstorm. I hope that makes sense.
How do I pull back more? I guess I could just go "dark" ?
how the heck do i bring up "dating".. she will get a sense that i may have "snooped".. tell me how i bring that up?
It's pretty obvious NOONE comes over here.. period.
What you think is obvious and she thinks is obvious are probably VERY different things. Not talking is the biggest cause of miscommunication. Second only to poor communication attempts.
Think about things you could be doing that might be considered pursuing. Stop them.
As for the dating, perhaps just say, I was thinking that we are both going to start dating, and while I don't have any plans to try that until we've moved to our own places, I wanted to discuss some boundaries with you so that when it happens there aren't any surprises???
Or maybe, I was thinking we are both going to be dating, but I wanted to let you know that I would never bring anyone to the house out of respect for you???
Remember, "I" statements. I feel it would be disrespectful to you/God/M/whatever.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
What you think is obvious and she thinks is obvious are probably VERY different things. Not talking is the biggest cause of miscommunication. Second only to poor communication attempts.
Think about things you could be doing that might be considered pursuing. Stop them.
As for the dating, perhaps just say, I was thinking that we are both going to start dating, and while I don't have any plans to try that until we've moved to our own places, I wanted to discuss some boundaries with you so that when it happens there aren't any surprises???
Or maybe, I was thinking we are both going to be dating, but I wanted to let you know that I would never bring anyone to the house out of respect for you???
Remember, "I" statements. I feel it would be disrespectful to you/God/M/whatever.
She made it pretty clear to me a few weeks back that if i were to date noone is allowed to come to the house, i would expect the same courtesy.. although dating isn't really something i am thinking about quite yet..
isn't it supposed to drive me nuts that she is out for coffee with some guy right now? It is not nearly as tough as i thought it would be.. odd..
Yes I asked her this morning if i could join her to walk the dogs, that would be considered pursuing correct?
She made it pretty clear to me a few weeks back that if i were to date no one is allowed to come to the house, i would expect the same courtesy
Did you say, "of course, and I expect the same from you." Because if not, especially if you didn't really say much of anything...your lack of reaction may have given her the impression that you wouldn't care. Not saying she would bring someone over, just making sure you don't get locked into one interpretation of the conversation.
If you are getting detached, then it will not make you flip out. And if you sympathize with her confusion, then you will not let it be the end of your DBing either.
If she seems receptive and things are friendly, while pursuing, it might be okay. The key with DBing is to do what works. So, if you asking her to do something occasionally has worked, keep doing it. If you get the feeling that things have been stuck, maybe change it up.
Keep in mind that she may need to lose you to a S to realize what she has lost. So, balance your desire to create good bonds with realizing that you may need to make her miss you by not asking her to do things and making yourself less available.
Every stitch is a little different though, and you know your W best. So you are the best judge as long as you keep the big picture in mind and don't get lost in the trees.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Did you say, "of course, and I expect the same from you." Because if not, especially if you didn't really say much of anything...your lack of reaction may have given her the impression that you wouldn't care. Not saying she would bring someone over, just making sure you don't get locked into one interpretation of the conversation.
If you are getting detached, then it will not make you flip out. And if you sympathize with her confusion, then you will not let it be the end of your DBing either.
If she seems receptive and things are friendly, while pursuing, it might be okay. The key with DBing is to do what works. So, if you asking her to do something occasionally has worked, keep doing it. If you get the feeling that things have been stuck, maybe change it up.
Keep in mind that she may need to lose you to a S to realize what she has lost. So, balance your desire to create good bonds with realizing that you may need to make her miss you by not asking her to do things and making yourself less available.
Every stitch is a little different though, and you know your W best. So you are the best judge as long as you keep the big picture in mind and don't get lost in the trees.
I never really said anything other than i would never bring anyone over.. i know she won't.. maybe I assume too much, but i know her very well.
So i went for a drive i wasn't flipping, so i must be detaching.. is that a good thing? I just went and vaccuumed my car/washed it..
Do you think her going on a "date" makes her confused?
Yes asking her to walk the dogs seems to work, but today she didn't really talk to me.. so i would say that is "stuck" wou;ldn't you? I am not sure how to change it up at this moment.
You know she just texted me to see if i would be here to feed the dogs , and that she was getting groceries for our lunches this week.. I don't get that...
Yet she will be telling the world she went on a date blah blah blah..
I think her enjoying the time she spends with you, but still being determined to date makes her very confused. Although she may think she is done with the M, emotionally I don't think she is. She is just masking the past because she doesn't know how to move forward with you - whether because she is uncertain she can or for other reasons.
This BB is a great place to vent. We always try and listen.
She is being a considerate roommate and friend. Those are positives. Don't get any expectations from that, but focus on the positives!
Don't worry about the date. She is obviously trying to find someone for a rebound R (even if unconsciously) but I somehow doubt anyone can shine a candle to you!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
