Advice from my DB coach #3

[NikB]

Ahh yeah... been through a LOT and it's hard to believe I'm coming up on 2 years since the original bomb. How I did it... basically following the DB principles the best I could. GAL, 180s, work on improving myself, fixing those things that I could.

And yes, months of running to the bathroom or car to cry so H didn't see it (at least, most of the time). Acting As If and having that PMA are critical for sure. It is freaking HARD to act light and airy and happy around the person who just turned your world upside down, but you can do it.

I answered most of the time when he called, but not always. I almost always made sure to answer if I was out in a noisy place so he could hear the background noise and wonder where I was.

Dark... not totally, but pretty dim for awhile. I got to where I wasn't calling him, and that was big for me. Funny enough, not long after is when things started to turn around more. The big turning point was when I took a week long road trip down to San Diego (in fact, several of us DB ladies rented a house for the week and met there - it was great!). I talked to him when I arrived safely (he'd asked me to call), and he called once during the week, but that was all we talked. I KNOW that got him thinking. I went on a 10-12 hour drive, by myself, on vacation, to a place we both loved to go together... I'm sure he was going "WTF???" I wasn't crushed and crying and desparate anymore, and I was even starting to move on and accept reality a bit.

There's no one magic thing that works and the most important thing to know is that it will take more time and patience than you can even believe. That's scary, but it also helps take the "OMG I have to fix it all NOW!!" pressure. Time and patience.

NONE of it was easy and I totally understand that. In the beginning it's "breath in".. now "breath out." I was a mess for a few months - but the better I got, the better things got in our sitch.

I'm trying to think back.. in the VERY beginning the things that had the most impact were the 180s that I did. I kept my fingers and toes polished at all times, dressed really nice every day, bought myself a small bouquet of flowers every week and kept them on the table, styled my hair differently, bought new clothes, re-decorated the bedroom, lost weight (albeit the "bomb diet" is not that healthy but still.. I needed to), I'm trying to even remember everything I did. Some felt fake or forced but I stuck with the change to see if it was "me" or not. Some were, some weren't - so I kept the things that "fit" me and dropped those that didn't.

I hope some of that helps... I know it's so much to take in all at once!