Thinking of biting the bullet

[ACJ]

Thanks Naej. At the moment there has been no talk of any money for 'me'. What he has been paying (and has now stopped) is purely his child support. I've been advised to go for a clean break D so that H can't come back in the future and demand more money (not that I will have any). Unfortunately it probably means that I won't get any money from him other than the settlement we reach over the house etc (in other words nothing).

Thanks for the warning about the bed. It is all wrapped in polythene at the moment. With this good weather I'm sure H will want to be off on his travels again so if he wants S15 to come here he will have to make sure he comes to help me decorate first.

I just finished making my S15 a card (with a difference) for his 16th birthday. I've utilised a box that I bought some facial products in. I've covered it in manly paper and then I've made like a concertina of card to go inside. Each fold has a different picture of my son on from the day he was born to our holiday last December (the latest pics i have of him). I've added suitable embellishments and of course made sure that i've put one picture in that he will cringe at (him sitting on my kitchen floor naked, sucking his thumb when he was about a 9-12 months old). I just showed it to my D13 and her friend (b/c they were here and i wanted an opinion) and they both thought it was good. I'm really proud of it and I hope he likes it and keeps it safe for the future.

[ACJ]

I just spoke with my parents. For many years they ran a country pub. I used to help out behind the bar (when i was old enough) and become good friends with a group of people who were a little older than me but by country pub standards were still very young! One of them was a farmer. Even at that time he owned his own farm as his parents had died quite young. My mum just told me he committed suicide recently. It is so very sad. He was a lovely man but for whatever reason never found the one thing he wanted - a loving wife. It's not that he had a wife and then lost her in some way he just never had one. He had fairly recently had a hip replacement (occupational hazard when you are an arable farmer) and everyone thought he was coming round from the depression he had been in due to the pain his hip was causing him.

It's such a tragic life.

[princess_nic]

That is so sad Alison; life really can be difficult can't it? I hope this helps you see, though, the strength that YOU really do have, to have kept going despite your terrible pain.

Re. the CS - isn't D18 still in f/t education? I gather that he's not paying anything for her anymore, or you wouldn't be equal. Does she work? Contribute to the household? Will he pay for her univeristy fees?

[ACJ]

Nic is so nice to see you visiting the BB again.

WRT to D18: The CS is a straight 20% of earnings upto 2 children and 25% 3 children or more. 20% of my current earnings is slightly more than 20% of Hs earnings hence the cancelling out.

As for her university fees that is something I am still trying to establish. He has no legal obligation to contribute but if he doesn't I don't know how she will manage. This is a realy issue for me b/c I know he is paying the fees for OW Open University course (in fact the cost of it just about equals his credit card debts!). Yes D18 does have a part time job. She is working full time now that her exams are over and before she goes to uni. She has offered to pay something towards her keep but the whole idea of her working so much is so that she has some money behind her when she gets to uni.

[princess_nic]

I can't believe it's the same whether it's 1 or 2 children! And only 20%? That is really not much at all. When you consider that it should cover a certain amount of shelter, as well as food and clothing, my gosh!

Now I can understand better why things are so tight for you.

As for uni, I'm sorry to hear that he hasn't decided what to do about her fees. I'm sure D18 is none to pleased about that.

[ACJ]

I'm sure D18 is none to pleased about that.

She has just accepted the way things are. In one way I'm mad that my children have to feel like second best to OW but on the other hand with D18 in particular I'm glad she has learned to let go of things that she knows she has no control over.

If only her mum were quite so successful!

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,
I wish you a good week. (((HUGS)))

[Truelove]

ACJ,
This story about your friend is so awful.

I feel for your kids that they come second after OW. I find it so unfair that he can finance OW's studies but not his own kids'!, and also that your H works less so that he can pay less. I hope your L will find a good financial solution for you. (((HUGS)))

[naej]

HI Alison, my post seems to have gone awol-why does that happen.
Just said I was sorry about your friend,farmers have the highest suicide rate of all apparently.
I think it has to do with the fact it is now so issolated, at one time farms had lots of workers and a social network, now due to the economy they usually run it alone and lots have given up the land or diversified.
IT is very sad.
I guess we count our blessings. Hope you have a good week.

[ACJ]

I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot I am an idiot

Think I've convinced myself now.

I am apparently an idiot whose costing my H £4500! Can you believe that he's the one who started all this, he's the one whose causing so much destruction, pain and all the other s**t