I just hope & pray Christa's H is not as unforgiving and/or untrusting as AmyC's H was (FG knows what I mean). It was his big excuse too.....afraid of getting hurt again. The thing is....we all take that chance when we enter into a R, and I can understand not being so stupid as to allow a person to continually hurt you over and over with the same actions.....but Christa"s H was the one that was messing around with the old GF, so I don't get why he keeps bringing up how he is afraid of Christa leaving him again. I know, he brings up about how she left before the M, etc......but I still think it is a cop-out.
Forrest, I sent you a post on my thread, b/c I couldn't find where you were. To more or less capture what I said, so Christa won't feel left out here, is that I truly am not trying to play therapist, but the reason I keep trying to find some emotional connection to all this mess for her, is that I believe women find it harder to "focus on one thing at a time" b/c we are not only more multi-task than men (which has been proven), but b/c of our "make-up" of being female. What affects us severely in one area of our life....usually affects most of the other areas. That is not to say that we aren't capable of going on the job and put in a good day for our empoyer, but I mean in our personal lives. So, my point is trying to find out how this ties in together for Christa and why she feels the fear and desparation when she gets a negative reaction from her H.....when obviously, she doesn't respond to anyone else like that. There has to be a key and I don't understand why some of the doctors/counselor etc. have not seen that. Until that can be figured out, I don't know if she will understand exactly how to approach him about the "pool" or anything else. I suppose that is what you meant by focusing on one thing at a time?
When I went back and re-read her thread again, I wondered if it would give her more head-way to allow her H to do whatever he desires to do about the pool and the farm. That would be a "big" thing for her, but she said she didn't want to be "right" as much as being "happy". If he feels inferiorer to her b/c of her education, the fact that she was able to purchase her own home, etc, it may give him a sense of her trusting him again. I don't know. This is where I need you, Forrest, to give your idea about it from a man's POV. Would it appear that she simply did not "care" what happen to the house they once shared or would it give him as sense of confidence that she was trusting him to make the best decision?
Another thing about her reacting in fear, etc. from him. When he sees this...if he does, then do you think he "feeds" off that? If he really loved her (and had that male instinct of protectivness)like a H should feel toward his W, I would think it would frustrate the heck out of him for her to react to him in that manner, and therefore, he is acting in anger. However, when people get their minds and self-esteem all screwed up.....it is hard to know.
Christa, sure hope you have had a better day.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
