my crazy mess part 3...

[christarn]

OH Sandi, Sandi...don't ever feel bad, silly girl!! When I get home from work...this is usually one of my first stops!!! I just didn't have as much time as I wanted to go thru everything you said and re-read and contemplate....I am pretty happy, I slept good and got about 7 1/2 hr of sleep which is good for me!

I'm going to try to talk to one of the docs today and get something for my sinus infection...i had one earlier this year and it took 3 times for them to get the correct antibiotic....i guess that is the downside of being in healthcare...those stinking bugs are resistant to first line antibiotics (amoxicilline, z-packs etc)!! so for me, the have to break the good stuff out of the arsenal and they don't like doing that!!! LOL!!

Kalni & Bridgestone~ THANK YOU for stopping in! I appreciate all the feedback and kind words!!! Hope to be more "with the program!!" after work or tomorrow!!

continuing~ I PROMISE my friend, I have not forgotten you...I will get over to your thread....my crazy life...well it's just that!

((((to all of you))))
don't know where i'd be with out you!!
Christa

off to work i go!!

[Forrest Gump]

But, I think in your case it is the stress combined with the grief you are still suffering from. You are scared of losing the next person you love. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that you would worry about him.

Christa, your fears must stem from all of this! It just has to. I feel so strongly about you getting help with all of this loss from a real psychiatrist and not mess around with anyone else. Hope you took that the way I meant it.

But, you have a future that will "give" back to you in other ways and give you other people. We all have to deal with the past and how it affects us, but we all need to look to the future and not dwell on the past. I think that is what you want to do......you've just got to work through all this stuff and it takes time (darn it).

ok...talked with the H today...the only answers he will give are I don't know. He told me still has feelings but will never trust me again...which I validated, told him it would be hard after I left to regain trust. I asked him if there was something that I could do to help him regain my trust...he answered I don’t know.

And in all likelyhood.. he does not know. In true DAM fashion.. he will wait till it hits him in the face. It kinda to old.. I lost my wallet. Someone always asks where? What the person that asked "where" should be doing is retracing the "looser's" steps to see if they can find the "wallet".


8/29/07 From Gone Dancing:
The fact that he is explicitly telling you he's scared, doesn't want you to leave him again, etc, means that he wants you to know he is invested in the M still, yet wants to make sure you know what you need to do to reassure him things will be okay and that you'll be there for the long haul.

The only thing I will add.. is now both of you are scared.

[sandi2]

To Christa and FG,

I just hope & pray Christa's H is not as unforgiving and/or untrusting as AmyC's H was (FG knows what I mean). It was his big excuse too.....afraid of getting hurt again. The thing is....we all take that chance when we enter into a R, and I can understand not being so stupid as to allow a person to continually hurt you over and over with the same actions.....but Christa"s H was the one that was messing around with the old GF, so I don't get why he keeps bringing up how he is afraid of Christa leaving him again. I know, he brings up about how she left before the M, etc......but I still think it is a cop-out.

Forrest, I sent you a post on my thread, b/c I couldn't find where you were. To more or less capture what I said, so Christa won't feel left out here, is that I truly am not trying to play therapist, but the reason I keep trying to find some emotional connection to all this mess for her, is that I believe women find it harder to "focus on one thing at a time" b/c we are not only more multi-task than men (which has been proven), but b/c of our "make-up" of being female. What affects us severely in one area of our life....usually affects most of the other areas. That is not to say that we aren't capable of going on the job and put in a good day for our empoyer, but I mean in our personal lives. So, my point is trying to find out how this ties in together for Christa and why she feels the fear and desparation when she gets a negative reaction from her H.....when obviously, she doesn't respond to anyone else like that. There has to be a key and I don't understand why some of the doctors/counselor etc. have not seen that. Until that can be figured out, I don't know if she will understand exactly how to approach him about the "pool" or anything else. I suppose that is what you meant by focusing on one thing at a time?

When I went back and re-read her thread again, I wondered if it would give her more head-way to allow her H to do whatever he desires to do about the pool and the farm. That would be a "big" thing for her, but she said she didn't want to be "right" as much as being "happy". If he feels inferiorer to her b/c of her education, the fact that she was able to purchase her own home, etc, it may give him a sense of her trusting him again. I don't know. This is where I need you, Forrest, to give your idea about it from a man's POV. Would it appear that she simply did not "care" what happen to the house they once shared or would it give him as sense of confidence that she was trusting him to make the best decision?

Another thing about her reacting in fear, etc. from him. When he sees this...if he does, then do you think he "feeds" off that? If he really loved her (and had that male instinct of protectivness)like a H should feel toward his W, I would think it would frustrate the heck out of him for her to react to him in that manner, and therefore, he is acting in anger. However, when people get their minds and self-esteem all screwed up.....it is hard to know.

Christa, sure hope you have had a better day.

Sandi