I assumed she asked if I thought we had a chance so she could shoot me down. She just got done saying she didn't want to be married to me. Poor choice of words on her part to say she's worried about us getting back together. I made it clear I was not expecting reconciliation
Those are always a tough call. Sometimes they are looking for hope and a warm gesture on your part that you bear no ill will towards her and she is welcome back anytime, in other cases they feel pressure from you and want to dispell that (oftentimes the pressure to reconcile is only thier conscience in their head talking).
You have to gauge her tone, she may have been baiting you so she can shoot you down, it is hard to say from your notes here. If you feel like she wants you to extend a hand and tell her you would welcome her to be with you and that you don't hate her, and you only love her then throw her a rope. If you think she wants to shoot you down, dodge the bullet by changing the subject.
You just have to learn to guide the conversation into safer waters. If you let her push it into something hostile and you just REACT from your mood, she is gonig to bury you and everyone will just have one more reason to push for divorce.
Always try to guide the conversation into something warm and hopeful. It isnt' always possible. Guide her to warm places if you can, and keep doing that each conversation. She will gradually come to realise being around you isn't painful at all and its in HER HEAD.
Right now she sill feels pretty wary is my bet. It takes time to indirectly show someone you are worth a shot. It takes patience and time...hmm..I think tha'ts a song... lol Anyways...don't beat yourself up over hte convo, we handle them as best we can.
You didn't yell, you stayed calm, you tried to keep her feeling good about herself and didn't attack her even after she baited you to do so...shes looking for a reason to divorce you, dont let her bait you into giving her one. She's really looking for you to attack her verbally so she can feel less guilty. Just be a guardian angel and she will have nothing to do but question who she is and if she isn't being too hasty.
