Change name after the Big D?

[BarbieDoll]

Hi!

As everyone else has also pointed out - this is a very personal decision. I didn't have really strong feelings about it either way. If my children had been younger (the youngest was 16 when the D became final, 12 when dad left), I would have kept his name to save confusion. I run a dance school and it is SO confusing trying to figure out who belongs to who and what to call each person. Easiest to call and say "are you Suzy's Mom?" Now when we register new students we write down more info like first and last names of both parents, who child resides with, who pays for lessons - business details. But I digress.

I have been divorced for 3 years and kept my name. For business, it was easier and less hassle. Then when I saw OW (maggot) using my last name I found it especially bothersome. Considering she had been married for 17 years and kept her maiden name then. SO - I imagine it must make her crazy to know that I kept the name. I am the first, the original "Mrs. K".

I did talk to my kids about it and they did not care. I did decide that if I were to marry again - I would change my name at that time. If not, I am who I am. I did not choose to change - it was thrust upon me. Why should I endure yet another change.

But as a good friend of Karen's - I know how important it was to her to change her name. And for her - it was totally the right decision.

To each his own.

Barb

[*KS*Chick*]

I kept my ex's name because of my daughter. I hated that my mom had a different last name than I did as a kid. I don't know - maybe I was just weird about it. I would prefer not to have, but...

I think it's a personal decision.

[Hope_11]

I kept my X's last name because I thought it would be easier with work and less hassle (it's an easy to pronounce 4 letter last name) and that I'll probably being changing again. I have a lot of clients that have only known me by my married name and I didn't want to have that....oh, did you get married....no, I got divorced conversation with them.

In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea to keep it. I live in a very close-knit area and I dated a local guy for awhile and that's when not changing it became a pain. When he introduced me to anyone it was always...what's your last name...who are your parents. After dating him, I decided that it was just easier to introduce myself with my maiden name....so I really go by both names. My legal name is still X's but I use my maiden name around home.

It's a personal choice and I think no matter what it's a hassle and there are +'s and -'s to both and you are still going to get them both either way.

[Starshyne]

I have gone back to my madien name and I am currently in the process of getting credit cards and everything changed back to my madien name. I never wanted to take H's name when we got married and in the end decided to do both names with a space. I don't like H's last name because it is strange and confusing. My madien name fits me so much better.

Not having children made the choice much easier, but I think if I did have kids, I still would go back to my name. I feel like I am starting over again. I am remodeling the house we once shared in order to make it "mine" and not "ours." Going back to my name fits in with all of that.

The downside for me is that I am a teacher. I have been know as Mrs. H's last name for the past 5 years. I am not looking forward to having to explain anything to the students or my co-workers. It is already bad enough trying to explain things to the credit card companies.

I think that if you decide to go back to your name, don't let the fact you have a child with H's last name stop you. I know some children who have hypened last name themselves.

Regardless of what your last name is, you are still the same person.

[MotherMovingOn]

I have four children--all under 14 and I talked to them about restoring my maiden name long before the D was to be final. At first they weren't crazy about the idea, but after a while, after they got used to the new living arrangements and the idea of a divorce, it became less important to them and they began to understand. I kept the lines of communication open with them about it and brought it up for a year before it became a reality. When the big day came the lawyer asked me if I would be changing my name (it is free and easy when you go through the D) and, having not decided completely yet, I just said "yes" and it was done. No fuss, no muss.

I have never regretted it. My kids even sometimes tell me they think of themselves as having my last name too and incorporate it when introducing themselves to people. I may even get it changed for them so they have a hyphenated name to represent both their mom and dad. Don't know what XH will think of that, but he's pretty laissez faire about those kinds of things. We'll see.

I was known professionally by my H's last name so it has taken some doing to make the transition to my maiden name (which, by the way, I like a lot better). I'm still in past publications and many other things as Mrs XH, but as time goes on, I am getting out there as Miss Maiden Name. It will take a while, but change is part of life. One thing I've learned is nothing ever stays the same so no point fighting against the current! I've had to explain I got divorced and not married several times, but it's no biggie.

For me it has been liberating and one more piece in the puzzle to becoming "me" again.

Children, when loved, respected and communicated with, will be able to understand and respect your decisions. It's when we do not communicate and explain things to our children that they get confused and resentful so as long as you handle it with care and consideration, your daughter will be cool with it.

Good luck. Life, when you let it, gets better!

Althea

[waw1978]

Thank you all so much for your opinions and stories.

Its a tough decision and I started out very clear on changing my name back. My Mom of course never changed hers when her & Dad divorced and is still using the name. She esp thought I should keep the married name because of my daughter. But she accepted my choice and is supportive now of the change. She made good point that I am only 30 and more than likely will be married again someday and it will probably change again.

But others that I know, not so much. STBX H for example...completely disgusted that I want to change my name. He thinks I should be the same as my daughter. I wanted to slap him and say " I just don't want the same name as you"...but I held back and bit my toungue.

I am almost positive I am going to change my name back. My daughter is only 5 so she can't give me any imput.