You may be completely right. And yes having been at this for 8 years gives you experience. But for now, I am not ready to do that. It is as simple as that.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
First let me say I do not expect you to just go take a warm shower with this other woman.
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You just can't tell someone to get over it, there are too many emotions involved. That's like telling someone to just get over their spouse leaving. We all know here that it is easier said than done.
In all of my posts to anyone on this board, I have always said I understand what it feels like. I was there. I am on the other side and I know what got me there. It was actually facing my emotions. By doing so you become stronger and better able to deal with anything that comes your way. But it starts with a decision to face them. If you keep saying you will face them when you are ready, you may never be ready. I know people who have been here for as long as or longer than I have who still are not over it. One of the reasons is that they eschew facing their fears. I have had to stop talking with some of them because I just have no desire to hear them call my ex nasty names.
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Sometime I think you are part robot
Actually, MrsH, even though said in jest (and jest does have some basis in real feeling), there is a bit of truth to that statement. It is called detachment. I am detached from what happened with me, so it is very easy to detach from your situation. I get to see things through a different lens than you do. And I can see where it comes off as robotic. On the flip side, I have been there and I have seen many who have been there and one thing that separates those who move on from those who do not is to face their emotions. Furthermore, it allows you to become much better at living your life because emotional situations are everywhere, not just in this marital strife.
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I for one know that I am not ready to face the ow.
I thought the same until I actually did face OM.
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For goodness sakes, ever time he uses her car to drive the kids home I want to throw up. I know I will not be able to hold my emotions back if she came to.
And who does that hurt? It hurt you and only you. I thought I was going to tear OM limb from limb. But thinking about what it would be like is actually much worse than getting it over with.
It is easy to blame the OP. But the reality is that our spouses (or former spouses) told these other people that they were available.
Imp in your theory crimes of passion would not happen.
You are reaching here. If I catch my wife in bed with another man and kill them, it is a crime of passion. If I catch them in bed and wait a month to kill them, it is premeditated murder. So in my theory, there is room for crimes of passion.
Imp, all I am trying to say is that even though you may be COMPLETELY right about this. I'm not there yet. Yet the possibility exists that IF I were to stand eye to eye with ow, it may end up not being so hard after all. I don't know. At the moment I'm not ready to try it out 'on purpose'...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
The things that I say are not my own. These things are things I have picked up by reading a ton. I read books on behavior. I read bnoks on management. I read books on success from a variety of perspectives.
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At the moment I'm not ready to try it out 'on purpose'...
Running into OW at your child's sports is not on purpose.
And while you say you aren't there yet, when will you be. If you tell yourself you are not ready, you may never be ready. Nothing wrong with trying something new.
This is a rationalization: quote]but you know the op was foolish enough to believe it[/quote]
Let's see my ex got together with OP 8 years ago. Your H has been with this woman for what 2-2 1/2 years. I can go back to the people who I met when I first came to DB and there are quite a few whose ex-spouses are still with the OP. There must have been truth to the notion that they were available. Were all of these people fools?
