The kids slept over her house again. At least this time my son was not on a floor but a sofa.
My D slept in the same room as the GF's D.
X slept in the room with the GF.
That has been the firt time.
My son called me this morning and he told me he didn't want to sleep there, but the X said Listen it is to late and I am not driving back, so we are sleeping here and tomorrow we are having a garage sale.
My son said to me this morning. I asked papi where are you going to sleep?
The x responded , Upstairs!
Then my son said to me, you know how he answers the questions mom, that he doesn't tell the complete truth.
I said to my son, Hey go out there and help sell some stuff, Ok.
Wow them with your amazing math talents when it comes to money.
My son said Ok mama, The quicker it is over the quicker we can go home right?
I said have fun buddy.
I spoke to my D for less than a minute she was having to much fun with the Gf's kids. So it hurt, but I said Ok love you bye princess.
I should be thankful that she is having fun, and they are not treating her badly.
I have allowed this to really hurt me all morning. This is not the way we agreed to raise our kids.
I don't mean to sound holier than thou. Everyone has their own way.
I have spoken to the GF myself and she knows my kids don't want to sleep there, and she understood.
Where was her understanding last night?
She can disrespect her own daughter with allowing her BF to sleep in her bed.
But don't disrespect my children.
But if their own dad disrespects his children then, why would she say any different.
The X is a pig in shitte with this lady, b/c she says nothing to him ever. She puts my X before her own children.
I didn't. I pay for it now.
I will say nothing. Yup. B/c He will get back at me. When he gets back at me he does it with the kids.
No, he does not hurt them physically. He will bring them home on weekday at 10pm, when they are supposed to be here at 7pm. He won't care that they have to wake up early the next day. Things like that. He will come in here and put Tv's in their rooms or buy them more video games and all that. Things he knows I don't like. Just to spite me, and so I can know he can do what he wants.
Things like that. It is so many things, that i Just give up saying anything.
I already called my L the last time when my son was put on the floor. Seems like that didn't do anything.
He has a chip on his shoulder my X. He makes sure he shows me. He makes sure he knows he can do what he wants.
I would of ranted and raved before, but my kids would end up suffering.
So now, I shut it and bite my tongue.
I don't know which way to go about it anymore.
I can not control any of it .
It hurts b/c we said we would raise our kids so differently.
The thought of my kids not having their own space somewhere, and their things.
I just hate it.
And you know what, maybe they don't even really hate it, I just may be so anal about certain stuff.
But the sleeping in the same room together, I knew it was coming. I don't put any faith in him doing the right thing anymore.
I hate that I have no faith in this man that I have known since I was 11 years old.
I hate that he has no respect for my parenting.
I should of known this was going to happen b/c he could not look at me in the face when he pulled up in the drive way.
And ofcourse he bought the kids a wireless something or other for the WII.
I should know his pattern already.
Ok rant over.
Onward for today.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Lissie, maybe the last person you want to hear from, but I know you and I know what you are feeling right now.
At this point it is time to figure out for yourself how to deal with all of the disappointment because he isn't showing any signs of not being one.
Your kids are safe with you, they have a wonderful mother who protects them and raises them the way that you and the X meant for them to be raised.
When they are with him, they are not as safe.So what can you do to make that better for them?Nothing different then you are doing now. You love them, you comfort them when they call, and you try and refocus them on the happy things that they do have in there lives.
Your kids will always know where there true guidance came from that raises them into the people that they will become in life. You have to have faith that as they grow older, when they look back upon their childhood and all that occurred for them. They will know who it was that truly raised them.
I can tell you from being a child of divorce that this is the truth. I look back at my life and know that i got my good traits from my mothers behavior and actions and unfortunately my bad one's from my dad's behaviors and actions. I know who stepped up when they divorced and who did not and I am grateful to my mother for being strong and instead of lashing out at my dad in front of me, comforting me when he did many of the same actions as your X and making me feel better. No matter what my dad did, I always knew that I would be okay as long as I had my mom.
Your kids will always know that they will be okay because they have you Lissie. You are their rock, their foundation for the people that they will become, and the reason that your X's actions will not do permanent damage to your children.
Your a great mom Lissie and your kids are very lucky to have you. Maybe it's time to focus on how to not let Puffdouche's actions affect you so much and hurt you. After all, he is the one who is failing, not you bean.
Ian is right Lissie, you are their anchor and stability. They will be OK regardless of the arrangements with their Dad. It may not be as bad for them, they adjust and adapt to their environment. As long as it's a loving one, they will turn out just fine and you will be responsible for that.
Maybe it's just harder on you to adjust to the circumstances. I know how you feel. I wish I could do something to make it better. I don't like to see anyone suffer through something like this. I hope you can find some peace and happiness in abundance Lissie because I think your a great person who deserves it.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Lissie, honey, I really know how this feels. I am so sorry that it's finally happened, but I have to say that I'm surprised he waited so long.
I think the hardest thing for me in all this is to have no control over what happens w/ my kids when they are with their father. Legally, I have no recourse here, and though I have tried to speak reason to XH, it hasn't worked. He does whatever suits HIM.
One thing I will tell you, though, is that my D11 is seeing him more clearly now for who he really is. I don't have to say or do anything - she knows. I know how hard it is to take the high road, believe me, I do!! But as Ian says, they will notice at some point. Gosh, I sure do hope that we are their role models.
Lots of love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Lissie, I hope you don't mind me posting on your thread. But you seem like such a strong, wonderful person I just felt compelled to do that really. I do think at some point your X is going to realize he is not acting as a parent should, the kids will def. realize & probably have to a good extent already, but even more as they get older. I do believe that things will get better for you and you will never regret taking the high road! Karen
