Anxiously awaiting long term Patience!!

[JWS]

Ok it really was not that bad but I had a bit of backslide and I am hard on myself. So my mom was in town and we were hanging out when she said I would like to have lunch with your W. I laughed and said she was crazy there was no way that was happening. She said o yeah and called her. She said “I want to have lunch with you so meet us half way” W said “ok I am getting in the car now see you soon” well after I picked my jaw off the ground in disbelief we hit the road. We meet her for a great late lunch early dinner. We had friendly conversation and all was well. It was hard on me because I had not prepared for it and the whole lack of wedding ring drives me insane, but I managed to behave perfectly.

We decide to go see the movies WallE. This turned out to be really cute but I was not excepting it to be romantic. There was a lot of mushy little stuff that started to get to me, and as a side note my W laughed a lot and I have not seen her really laugh in quite a while. There was a bit of mushiness at the end and i got rapped up in it and grabbed her hard. Well that is when the Ice Queen returned, I got a very surprised death look and her hand was as limp as a corpse. I released it and we went on as if nothing happened, she was pleasant the rest of the night. When it was time to leave big hugs and ILY between her and my mom, then she gave me the less then friends hug she reserves for me and since I was pissed off I said “well ILY too” she gave an angry moan and I said “and I don’t care if you don’t like that”

I drove the whole way home feeling like a failure. My mistakes were holding my W hand and telling her ILY, but they felt worse to me. I have been acting friendly and it has been working, I would have never thought she would drive up to see us. I just hope I did not undo a bit of hard work. I go back and forth between I will be her friend at all cost and weather or not you like it I am going to show you, you are loved. I know witch of those two paths has been working and witch has not but I could not stop a little bit from coming out.

Probably small mistakes but we judge everything in such small baby steps its hard not to view small mistakes as large ones. She is coming back up next weekend to bring me the dog so another chance to be better. plus I was not thinking I was going to be seeing her so that threw all detaching out the window and its time to start over with that.