thanks cookie. now i feel like an ass beause i didn't recognize what i should've before. i got mad because of the way she asked...and i just took it at face value...like she was demanding something of me when really she was reaching out to me............oiy vay. how long does it take to learn these things?
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
"and my W hasn't really put me on this roller coaster of emotions...like hse's almost closed herself off emotionally from me. So this roller coaster that i was on earlier this week......my own doing."
I call this Role Reversal. Think about this a sec.. you remember all those times you were off doing something and she was hounding you to do "something". Is this not the same thing now.. only you two have switched places?
She has been on the roller coaster.. she got off and went to get some ice cream.. you just took her place on the ride. Now you are doing all the "Crazy Emotional" things.
"Is this normal? For the WAW to close themselves off emotionally?"
In all honesty.. she shut down long before she WA.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
why do i feel like i haven't learned a damn thing since this split? LIke why do i still react to my hurt and anger when i know i shoulnd't be? WTF is wrong with me?
i suck at this.......
You want her to help fill your love buckets & take away your hurt & anger. She can't. She wants you to fill hers & take away her hurt & anger, you're learning. Be patient. You can either feel like an *ss, or you can pat yourself on the back for being here, learning, listening, & trying. Which is it ?
The more you take care of you & fill your own bucket, the less you'll expect her to. Find & read my lightbulb moment. & get a very thick, heavy raincoat & a large umbrella.
Now go watch a very cute Disney movie with the D's, or have them teach you how to do "tea parties", or let them paint your toenails. lol Hugs.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
and SC...yeah i know what i need to feel like. just a moment of self pity. This learning stuff sucks sometimes. I wish i had a magic pill to take and i would just get it. LOL
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
"i'm down today. almost as if i doubt things will ever get better than they are now....casual friends. it sucks."
I am gonna play with your words here.. but isn't this what has been missing from your relationship.. all along? I mean.. you have had sex.. should this not be something to focus on for a while? Call me crazy!
"does it get better? How many people's marriages actually survive this mess and get stronger?"
I know of two... and I am one of them.. SmartCookie is the other one.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
"i'm down today. almost as if i doubt things will ever get better than they are now....casual friends. it sucks."
I am gonna play with your words here.. but isn't this what has been missing from your relationship.. all along? I mean.. you have had sex.. should this not be something to focus on for a while? Call me crazy!
I get EXACTLY what FG is saying here. I want to be friends with my H, not just his lover. Sex can come and go and requires no real commitment of self. But, to be friends---AAHHHH, now that takes something from inside to build and gives me something to build on to get to the next level. That is where I am working from now. I am thinking that H and I are getting back to that friend stage. Are you and W? I see it, don't you?
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
LOL...i'm just a mess right now.l=...LOL.....can't figure out a darn thing...LOL....oiy vay.
WHile i can GAL with the best of them, i certainly am not learning really well.
FG...gotcha. i'm slow today.
SMW...i do. problem is, like all DAM, i want to jump to the physical part.
while i might've not passed today's test with flying colors, i at least learned a little more.....*sigh*....she opned up to me. maybe because it was our children who were involved, but she still did. she looked to me for help....when she was frazzled. I reacted wrong at first, but i think (someone tell me for sure) that i corrected it.
only disappointment is that i didn't get to go to my soccer game. oh well. some things are more important......
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
