You KNEW what was the right thing to do. You just needed SC to come over and tell you it was okay to do it. You might want to get something that your W likes for comfort, too, like a big old Hershey bar or a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
yes it made sense. i forget sometimes to see things thru her eyes.
i already called her back and offered to help. going to get d2 in a few minutes. I told her it's the right thing to do, a nd that i wanted to help.
why can't women say they're tired and exhausted instead of being b**chy?
I'm so proud of you !!! *huge smile*
"Supermoms" don't allow themselves to be tired & exhausted. Pain comes out as anger. Whenever she's angry, remember, she's really in pain, but doesn't know how to show it.
You're doing really good !!! Even if she doesn't say anything, she'll see it & feel it. Brownie points to you !
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
yes it made sense. i forget sometimes to see things thru her eyes. why can't women say they're tired and exhausted instead of being b**chy?
Well, heck, what would be the fun in that????
Because, just like you did not think to consider how she was feeling and you cannot understand why she couldn't ask nicely, we do not think that you cannot understand that we just get bitchyand tired and need you to be our white knight, without us having to tell you we need you.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Do not respond to your wife when you're pissed off about the way she has done something.
And in general, when you're having a slightly down weekend because of missing her and being exasperated by why she won't just come home, the chances are BIG that you are going to respond to her out of your frustration.
Your response to her was WAY out of line.
You would NEVER have talked to her like that when you were happily married. At least I hope not.
The little boy inside of us has a hard time not doing the "nany nany boo boo" routine when we see our spouse finally having a tough time and needing our help.
These are your kids. And she is the wife that you love. Regardless of her decision, the heat of the moment is NOT the time to correct the way she asked for help. You can take care of that another time. All you did is shut her down and reinforce the notion that you're an ass that she needs to get away from.
Not a major blow, but as you know, all the little shots add up. You're trying to FILL the love bank, NOT make withdrawals.
By now you should be getting the hang of reading YOURSELF and knowing what your state is. Keep that in mind when choosing whether or not to respond to her, and what to say.
blessings,
bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Neil, did you feel that 2x4? Bill has hit on some major things to take into consideration. You are reacting to her bad feelings, not reading past them.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
yes i did. i still have trouble sometimes when my emotional mind says "teach her a lesson, dammit"
with SC's help, i think i recovered pretty good tho. I went over, we talked. both admitted our mistakes (she told me that it wasn't the right time to address the "asking" thing) and i said many of the same things that SC said i should...about how she's tired, etc. I know she doesn't sleep well at her parents house. I think she sorta teared up when i said all those things....but she said she didn't want me to come and rescue her..i said i'm not..i'm just helping you
Man, why do i keep fing up like that?
guess i'm learning. is there a manual somewhere that i can read and pick up on these things so i can stop acting like a DAM?
thanks bill. As much as it pisses me off to hear it, i know i do.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
Neil, I'm writing the manual as fast as I can. Cookies tips to not being a DAM. LOL
Nice save. How's the sick D ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
why do i feel like i haven't learned a damn thing since this split? LIke why do i still react to my hurt and anger when i know i shoulnd't be? WTF is wrong with me?
i suck at this.......
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
