Cmon on up for the Rising on the Lake Erie Shore

[Neilh23]

yep. must be something in the air.

i'm down today. almost as if i doubt things will ever get better than they are now....casual friends. it sucks.

does it get better? How many people's marriages actually survive this mess and get stronger?

i'm just feeling lost right now. I'm GALing later..church and a soccer game.....

it's just atht i miss her and want to tell her but am afraid of the response i'll get. not that that should matter, but why set myself up for something that could potentially hurt. on the otehr hand, she could say, hey, i miss you too. which hasn't been said yet.

so i don't know.

[pisces9]

have you done that? just called her to say hi?
or have been "warned" not to by the guys?

just curious...maybe it would be A 180?

[Neilh23]

no i haven't. but i just talked to her....D3.5 threw up in her car. i feel bad. I did some reflective listening...and she talked more.

it's weird. like i want to, but don't want ot pursue her. so i don't know if its a 180 or what.

ugh.

[Neilh23]

ok so now i can take us down a point.....wtf

so D3.5 pukes again. she calls me and says to me "I need you to take D2" I said i would, but the more i thought about it, the more i got pissed off. The least you could do is ask!

so i text her to call me back. I ask how d3.5 is doing. she says better. I ask when do you want me to come and get D2? she says like half an hour....and then proceeds to list off all the things that she doesn't think she can do when she has the both of them. I said, look, "i'll take D2, but i don't appreciate how you asked me. You said you Needed me to do something..." Then she says "you're right, i'll take care of it. I shoulnd't have asked.... you can see them tomorrow morning." I was like "wait a minute...i said i would, i don't mind...i just didn't like the way you asked." WTF.

Is this tough love? Like, she has to deal with this mess by herself? Why did she throw in the bit about "you can see them tomorrow?"

WTF.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Neil--

Well, at least you do not have to clean out the car--If i did, there would be twice as much to clean up.

i think it is a detachment thing. You are able to compartmentalize things better and not get sucked into anythign that could become drama right now.

I think you are doing really well and need to stop beating yourself up. How was church and soccer? I so enjoyed service today. Pastor spoke on Living Eternally in a Temporary World. that we need to live futuristically, forgettfully, and urgently. In order to strive in life toward God, we must look to the future, let go of the past that is holding us back, and live every day as if tomorrow is the Day of Reckoning. We must not be nonchalant Christians.

I took so much out of his sermon---especially about the letting go of past hurts. It is unconditional love to not only forgive, but to forget. If we do not continuously rehash the bad that has happened to us, we CAN forget it and let go.

SMW

[Neilh23]

CHurch was good. soccer is later.

our pastor talked about how a piece of sand grows in an oysters mouth to become a pearl...how it is really annoying and painful, but it grows into something beautiful, with time. she didn't do this, but i can compare it to our sitchs....like how painful things can help you grow and blossom into beautiful things... it was good.


i'm still irritated by the whole encounter with my W. All i wanted was to have her ask me...that's all. Don't tell me you "need" me to do something and then get all defensive and say no, i shoudln't have asked, its fine. WTF.

smartcookie, is this one of those things where you "ask for something" or "i take 3 steps forward, so you take 3 steps forward" and we meet in the middle?

irritated.

[smartcookie]

ok so now i can take us down a point.....wtf

so D3.5 pukes again. she calls me and says to me "I need you to take D2" I said i would, but the more i thought about it, the more i got pissed off. The least you could do is ask!

so i text her to call me back. I ask how d3.5 is doing. she says better. I ask when do you want me to come and get D2? she says like half an hour....and then proceeds to list off all the things that she doesn't think she can do when she has the both of them. I said, look, "i'll take D2, but i don't appreciate how you asked me. You said you Needed me to do something..." Then she says "you're right, i'll take care of it. I shoulnd't have asked.... you can see them tomorrow morning." I was like "wait a minute...i said i would, i don't mind...i just didn't like the way you asked." WTF.

Is this tough love? Like, she has to deal with this mess by herself? Why did she throw in the bit about "you can see them tomorrow?"

WTF.

Hey Neil, my H used to do that too, one bad conversation, & the relationship isn't as good as he thought it was. Take a breathe, it's okay for her to get mad, she's not mad at you specifically, she's just got a sick kid, she's probably tired, & she wants to vent. Sure she could have asked nicer, which if she didn't have a sick kid & wasn't overly tired, & emotional she may have. It's called the chicken egg dance, FG taught it to me.

Here's mostly what she's mad about.....

herself for being in this situation
that she's cleaning up gross puke
that she's tired
that the kids are whiney & maybe missing you
that her live sucks at the moment
that she's PMS'ng, & feels like a b*tch to you
& the kids

She just finished telling you she's completely overwhelmed & exhausted, & then you gripe at her for not being polite....she takes your gripe as a complaint, she now feels guilty for asking for help, because "supermom" wouldn't need help So she takes it back, & then tries to hurt you because she's hurting. Make sense ?

It doesn't sound like she needs tough love. It sounds like she needs a friend and someone who will call her back & offer to help her. I know it's not wired into men to offer help, but it is with women. We are offering to help creatures, & we love it when you guys offer to help us.

What do you need now ?

[smartcookie]

i'm still irritated by the whole encounter with my W. All i wanted was to have her ask me...that's all. Don't tell me you "need" me to do something and then get all defensive and say no, i shoudln't have asked, its fine. WTF.

smartcookie, is this one of those things where you "ask for something" or "i take 3 steps forward, so you take 3 steps forward" and we meet in the middle?

irritated.

Neither, this is where you swallow your irritation & take 6 steps towards her. Since she can't ask you I will. She may even feel that she shouldn't have to "ask" you to be a father...??

{{Neil, sweetie, I'm exhausted & there is puke everywhere, my patience is gone, & my last nerve is frazzled. Could you please come get D2, so I can focus all my love supplies on the sick one ? I really appreciate you honey, how you are such a good dad, & can see when I need help". }}


Now, you call her, say, "hey, that didn't go so good, I realized after we hung up that you're probably exhausted, & cleaning up puke is disgusting, how bout we start over, I'll come get D2, & hopefully when Dsick is resting you can too. Is there anything else you need, 7-up, saltine crackers, tylenol...I can pick it up on my way over?"

Ideas ?

[Neilh23]

yes it made sense. i forget sometimes to see things thru her eyes.

i already called her back and offered to help. going to get d2 in a few minutes. I told her it's the right thing to do, a nd that i wanted to help.

why can't women say they're tired and exhausted instead of being b**chy?

[Neilh23]

i'll say those things when i go and get D2.

thanks cookie. i won't even ask about the crackers..i'll just bring them...