Losing, in a curious way, is winning.

[Forrest Gump]

I'm in counseling, reading new things trying to get a different perspective that allows me to 'do something different' in the moment than I would otherwise. Having the confidence to Speak up for example. There have been times I have chosen to speak my mind & make my thoughts, emotions, wants clear in the room. Sometimes it makes a difference, yet during the times he 'shoots holes in them with his logic', I want to quit. Someday I'll have more energy to be confident in the assertations I put out in the room longer. I am different than I was 2 weeks ago, and definately than 2 years ago. Right now, changing me in a way that is healthy for me, is enough right now.

Ok.. so you have a idea of what works. It's not perfect.. but it seems to effect things for the better when you talk clearly. When he responds with logic.. he is most likely telling you he does not understand everything. Or he sees a way you should be able to fix it. He is fixing it from his frame of mind. Again.. I go back to the whole.. start talking.. stop talking.. both digest theme. You have to allow for both points to be understood. He does not need to respond.. neither do you.. at that specific moment. I think you have the point where communication breaks down.. defined pretty clearly. My personal thought is that you two are focusing on "fixing" it at the break down point or before the break down point. I kinda think maybe you should just let the communication break.. and then take to your corners.

by having space, thinking time, processing time, energy rebuilding time to have my confidence to state what I wanted outloud in the room

I understand that this is about changes you are making. We may drift apart here on this thought. The changes you make.. need to have a mindset of making both "people" happy. I mean the goal is to make the R better. So within the setting of DB.com.. you need to understand.. and I think you do.. something that works for you.. may not be so clear to the other person. The other person may.. see it as more of the same with cherries on top. The idea is to pull yourself out.. and in doing so they run along behind you. Someone used a dancing analogy once.. you can ask for someone to dance.. and leave the option for them to say yes or no.. or you can say nothing and hold your hand out.. and leave the option for them to say yes or no. You don't need to understand.. why they said yes or no.