I spoke with the W this morning and we were talking. I didn't bring up R talk, but I did mention that I was trying to get things done in preparation of selling the house. I made a comment and asked for feedback about where I would be buying a place. I made the comment that I'm not sure what to do because of our sitch, I'm not sure if I should be looking for myself, or whatever. That, in a roundabout way, was R talk. DUH. How did I not know that?
Well, I know it now because she said "I don't want to get into this kind of talk again with you today." That's when the lightbulb went on. I said I didn't either, and tried to get out of it.
The good thing that came of it, is that she told me that she still feels uncomfortable when we are together because we always get on some kind of R talk. She says she wants to be able to call and just talk, but that she can't because I always have an agenda. She's totally right, too. I NEED to stick to not talking about anything right now that has to do with our R.
I also asked her about the wedding shower for my cousin that she is attending. She was very on the fence about going because it would be uncomfortable. She decided to go. I thought that was weird because the same uncomfortable feeling is why I can't go to the wedding with her. She even said "it's still going to be uncomfortable since I'm going alone" and stupid me should have validated, but instead I said "Are you kidding? You've been hanging out with all those people for a while now, so what's the difference?" That was certainly not validation. Thanksfully, I wanted to say "so if you are going to feel uncomfortable either way, what's the difference if I go?" but I didn't.
So....although not the best convo, but I got some hints as to things I need to work on.
She didn't say anything about the moving thing. I asked her where she would like to move and she named a place, but I can't take that as her actually wanting to move with me.
Me: 30 W: 27 Married: 9/2007 ILUBNILWU: 1/2008 W moved out 5/24/2008 W suicide 8/25/2009
