trying to keep this a "Happy" thread please

[Creed]

I think I understand what you're trying to get across, Happy.

And I'm truly sorry you're still feeling guilt, etc. I think , though, that I understand. You worded it very well.

I think you're coming from a point of trying to 'protect' those that are here, because you KNOW firsthand the MLCer mind/heart/soul. You KNOW that it's really a toss-up of whether they'll ever be the same, or if they even want to be the same person again. And you're concerned that many of us here think if we do all the right things, say the right things, don't push any 'buttons' that will set off the WAS, that things will go right back to the way they were before the crisis.

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, even if MLC is involved, in the majority of the cases, the WAS had major issues involving the LBS that they never voiced. That those issues, in themselves, would/could be enough for a person to want to leave a marriage.

I'm not saying I believe that is the right road to take. But I also know many people are afraid to confront issues , so they take the road of less confrontation, and bury those negative feelings..only to have them fester to the top even more toxic than they needed to be.

Whether you understand it or not, you have a lot to offer by posting here. You can give us an insight we otherwise wouldn't have. But in doing so, you can't/shouldn't judge us...anymore than we should judge you.

What you see on these boards are people that are paralyzed at first by fear, hurt, anger etc. Later they learn to put one foot in front of the other. And in time, they are learning to walk on their own, AND to offer help and support to those just starting off on a journey they must make on their own.

When you see something that blatantly looks like someone just wanting out of a marriage, you have to step back and remember that not every situation is the same...and that certainly the dynamics of each relationship are not the same. People are here because of their love for their spouse. The love of their family. They've already had too many people tell them to get rid of their WAS, that they deserve better, that they're being blind and ignorant to the REAL truth.

The people that come here have placed their trust in their spouses for years. And now that that trust has been betrayed, they have to learn to trust their own beliefs and feelings, and learn how to manage without the life partner they gave themselves to. They have to learn to trust a higher power..something maybe they never did before in their lives, or at least not to this extent. That is a very hard thing to do for some LBS. They're afraid if they're not trying to control things, that they'll get even worse.

Oh...and the guilt. The guilt of the LBS. And the shame and anger. Unless you've been a LBS, you have no idea the amount of these emotions we feel. And what a hard battle it is to regain our sense of self.

Happy, you have so much to offer here. Your snippets of insight from your perspective are worth a lot. I hope you understand that. What we all have to be careful of is not to judge each other. There's already been too much of that in our private lives.

Yes, God is still protecting you...as He is all of us here. We'll still make mistakes, and we'll still pay the price of those mistakes...but He's always there if we ask for Him.

I don't know your whole story, but I do know that you have a passionate heart..that's evident from your postings. Whether it's frustration, anger, whatever...you are anything by 'wishy-washy'. You just have to accept that many of us here don't care to tolerate anyone telling us what is wrong with us anymore. So if you come off that way, you'll more than likely get your arse bit off. LOL

You're a survivor, just like the rest of us, and for that , I am glad.