Don't want to end it....

[Mojones]

H was supposed to go out Friday and he did not and I was so relieved.We went to the beach as a family yesterday.When we got back he went off for a ride by himself,said he wanted to enjoy the convertible.He called me from the road about 45 minutes later and told me that it was perfect out and would I like to go for a ride too. I said yes and off we went.earlier in the day he said that his skin was peeling from the sun. I told him to stop at the store and I would get a loofah so I could take him in the shower and help him out with it. He said that he would rather go for gin and tonic and skip it. I went with him and I waited for him to start being a jerk because lately when he drinks that is what happens...on several occasions I almost insulted him first because I was so defensive. He was complaining about how he used to go out two nights a week and now he never goes out.one of the nights he used to go out was with the ow. I got ballsy and asked him why he doesn't speak to his best friend (who helped him carry on the affair) since he has been home.He told me that he hasn't been able to reach him and it bothers him. I asked him if his friend might have got into trouble with his wife and was asked not to speak to my H any more. he said that is rediculous...he would leave her if she said that. (????)We came home and he started wrestling around with me. I asked him if he wanted to have sex (no I didn't say it that way) He said NO I DON"T. I asked him why and he said because I don't.
He has been nasty when he drinks, he has not initiated being intimate with me in a long time and he will not talk about the future with me. My H doesn't love me any more...in fact I think that he might not even like me any more. We have been best friends for 13 years. It hurt to write that just now. I don't want that to be true...but it seems obvious. I think he wants me to end things to save some face but I can't do that. I love him. I am sorry to ramble but I am feeling so confused. I want to save my marriage but I need more from him to do that than just being here and not going out that much. I can't approach him about anything because he becomes angry and shuts down. I don't know what to do and I am feeling really weak and down.