Things happen for a reason

[ReDesigner]

My H is creeping out of his MLC, but something happened that might be a catalyst to turn things around. It's so in his face, it will be very hard for him to continue his denial. I can only hope that this is God's way of working.

This week, my 16-year old D was training at work alone with a co-worker when he made some unwanted moves on her... kissing her on the face and holding her hand. He's a middle-aged bachelor living alone. She freaked, called her dad right away. I was on my first day of training for a new job myself, but she didn't call me.

Well, to make a long story short, finally the store supervisor understood the gravity of the situation - a freaked out teen, a more freaked-out dad and suspended the coworker indefinitely. My D had to face a management inquiry, present her statement and quit the job. They offered her six sessions with their counsellor, but I don't know what else. Her dad promised to keep me updated after his first call to me in months. His manner was pretty civilized, considering how little we talk.

A week has passed and I instead had to get the details from my D three days ago. He never called or emailed. What I suspect is that this incident has hit too close to home for him. I strongly suspect that something more serious had happened to him as a child or a pre-teen. For years I wasn't able to put things together, until we separated. I buried myself in all kinds of counselling and psychology books and began to understand that I had missed a lot of indications that he had been sexually abused long ago.

I think this is just one piece of the MLC puzzle - unfinished or business never dealt with properly by him and his parents. While it was a very unpleasant experience for our D, it might become the first opening to H's self-awareness. There is a lot of baggage, but I can't help but think this is the biggest incident that has crippled much of his adult life and M.

Has anyone had to deal with a S who might have been in the same boat? I realize their behaviour is so deeply rooted in a dysfunctional past, but this is what can really cause severe depression, addictions - sexual and other, low self-esteem and contribute vastly to other facets of MLC behaviours.

Now I feel I want to do more than detach, but is it the right thing to do???