losing sunshine but gaining happiness either way

[jandn]

Over the years, especially after 4d was born, my W would look for any excuse not to be intimate with me. I've heard:

I am not in the mood
I am tired
I would be more attracted to you if you lost weight...I was only 15 to 20 lbs over ideal
I would if you didn't smoke
I would if you wouldn't drink
And the list goes on with excuses

Now, upon reflecting on the past, the best times, ie not the okay just get it over with type sex, she had been drinking.
Even when we were dating, there was always alcohol.
Obviously that is not healthy and I can't think how to word the question but does anyone have any thoughts, insight, experience with something like this?.

I heard all them too and some(not the smoking part, i never have but she likes to start more than she quits and not the weight either). Even when W was pregnant with D, thought she would be in the mood more often. Not so. Guess I wasnt and hadnt been and still didnt fill her love tank. Dont know if you have heard and read of the Five Love Languages but that is what I am making reference to. Everything needs to be balanced and they need you especially emotionally for everything to be working.

Im sure someone else is going to explain it better than me. When I first read your post on my phone earlier, thought the drinking was the only good times you had together, but rereading it its about the sex. Was going to say, hey thats me and my W on thats what we mostly did when we first met.

The drinking making it better just seems she was more relaxed and comfortable with herself and could open up more. You are probably going to get a lot of feedback on how us guys have so many misconceptions in this area.