we get along great when we talk, she'll spill her guts about every single thing she did that day including the stupid stuff (like singing and playing guitar in the game Rock Band). She knows i'm a musician so she tells me what bands' songs she plays
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
talked to W's parents today. here's what I said. let me know what you think.
"I wanted to run something by the two of you but haven't been able to catch up with you until now. I love your daughter very much, will always be faithful to her, and our marriage is very serious to me even though she is still affairing and possibly moving out of our house and in with friends. I understand that you feel she needs to make her own mistakes in life but I feel that what she is doing to our marriage and family should not be one of the mistakes we should just let her make. I appreciate you telling her that OM isn't allowed in your home but she doesn't care. I was hoping one or both of you could talk to her or put pressure on her to try and work through this difficult time. She's not just trying to destroy a marriage, but also tearing up a family. She just ran away from her problems instead of working on them. Forgive me if I'm out of line. You are her parents and you know best for her but she is acting on impulse and not thinking things through. I don't believe she knows what she really wants but is running to OM anyway. I could see if I was a boyfriend and we had no children but this is different. You two know the value of marriage and I think she either doesn't understand or doesn't care. She just wants to have a good time. I'll understand if you still don't want to help us but I think she needs you. I'm sorry to be asking you this but it's a major life lesson that your daughter, our son and I shouldn't have to suffer through just because she doesn't think clearly anymore. I love you both, please don't be mad, and thanks for listening."
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I couldn't have put that talk to her parents any better myself. You hit on all the key points.
If they would be willing to sit in on a MC session that would even be better.
I really think if you booked a MC session with someone MARRIAGE FRIENDLY in your area who DOES READ Davis, Glass, etc and is on the same page as you then you could invite her parents along to hear as well.
My bet is the MC would love to be able to talk to her parents as well to give them some advice on how to bring your wife around. Her parents mean well, but they have no education in marriage science, and you just started reading recently yourself.
I am wondering how your parents feel about their daughter, your wife's sister, telling you to give up. It sounds like the sister is not on the same page as her parents...her parents could try to talk some sense into her sister maybe, I dunno.
But this MC session would have to be private, you can't tell anyone about it. If your wife found out you went to counselling with her parents she likely would be quite upset.
This is just an idea, I will see what the jury here have to say.
So :
1. Well done with the parents pitch. 2. Find out if her parents can turn her sister around. 3. See if you can get a MC session booked. 4. Go to MC yourself 5. Ask if bringing her parents in to hear her advice would help.
My bet is a MC can give you and her parents better advice than we can. But go first YOURSELF to gauge where this woman stands on the matter. There are MANY BAD THERAPISTS out there.
My thinking is that her parents while hearing your well put pitch might be moved, it might not hit the mark. I think them hearing from a MARRIAGE THERAPIST might have more punch, even if the MC only confirms what you have already said. I think if a professional MC said that them letting their daughter make her own mistakes is a bad idea they may add more pressure on her.
ALTERNATIVELY, if your parents are church going people a religious authority again on the same page as you might add some punch. Some people listen to professional advice, some prefer someone with a fancy black suit and collar. It matters little who is is. What you want is a) someone they respect and trust and b) is on the same page as you (ie save the marriage at all costs)
You did good son lol
However, the professional authority may have more impact, simply because of who they are.
ALSO, if her parents SEE YOU going to MC and go there with you, this just really puts a solid stamp of approval on you for them. I would think any parents who went TO a MC SESSION with their son in law would just beam. You are maturing a lot, this is a chance to give her parents a front row seat.
As far as the chat clients. I do use them, but I don't do MC support through them. I keep my chat client efforts to a minimum because my time is a finite resource.
1. I have my own relationship to work on. 2. I have goals I have set for myself to complete (jogging, writing, learning guitar, resolving conflicts with my family, etc). 3. I put one hour each day into DB.com here, that is one of my changes. 4. I work sixty to eighty hours per week to support myself and my WW. 5. Lastly I also don't want to hold anyone's hand. A big part of dbing from my experience is taking control of your own life. Taking it away from your WW spouse and putting it where it belongs. In you rown capable hands. If I hold someone's hand through this process they will never learn or grow. The absence of learning and growing may put their DB results at risk.
Everything you need to know is out there. There are countless books, videos, articles, and professional counsellors who can help you out if you need it.
I put seven hours (usually more) into DB.COM to help others, I can't afford any more time I am afraid.
I talked to my sister in law about telling me to give up and she apologized and told me not to give up and that her sis isn't thinking straight. My father in law is the custodian at our church/catholic school so he is the pastor's right hand man. In laws are ultra religious....they go to mass every day of the week except Saturday. They have seen me going to talk to our pastor all the time.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
MIL and FIL work too much to attend a MC session so I am afraid it will just be me. Not sure how to find a pro-marriage counselor though. I have another appointment with pastor on Wednesday.... Going to see if he'll talk to her or if she has to come to him. If so I'll get his card.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I'm talking 13+ hour days for the in laws. All I can hope for is they take our talk we just had and go somewhere with it. If they don't I have her best friend on my side that's going to talk to her
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
