I have read through everything. First of all, you have got to find a way to let go and find other things to occupy your thoughts. I know this is painful, we have all been through similar situations, but you are wallowing in your pain, rather than finding a way to channel it into productive energy.
56 is not too old to get on with your life. You can find things to do to get out of the house. Go for walks, take up some form of exercise, find some activities to get involved at church--outside of all the counseling you are doing.
I see all your talk about going to God as giving up. You need to step out on faith that the Lord will provide you the means to cope.
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."--Matthew 7:7
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M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
