Wow, I have to say, I have just read this last page on this thread, and I am amazed at how much your posts -- all of you -- are helping me. I am a woman who was left behind, so I can't relate to you all in the same way as you relate to each other.
But, for some reason, I seem to get more out of what you say and how you say it, for my own sitch and emotions. I know I was the one who drove away my H. I'm actually still in shock over what has happened this past year with us, but I'm very aware of how powerless I am to change his mind.
I am glad you are getting something out of my sitch. If anything I do or say helps people, it makes me feel good inside. Just don't make the same mistakes as I have.
And yes you are powerless to change his mind however you have a lot of power in changing the R. Working on yourself, detatching and GAL are the three things that will bring you peace and happiness no matter what your H does.
Originally Posted By: Suzanne1
He said just last night, "I do love you and care about your but you don't understand how someone can love you and still divorce you." Honestly, he's right. I don't understand it.
He was actually whispering on his cell phone last night as I was in the next room. I was devastated and he says he doesn't understand how anything he does now should hurt me.
P.S. Does anyone here know how to get the smiley faces, etc. other than just typing them in?
S
What my W meant by the ILYNILWY speach is that I care about you, do not want to hurt you but that feeling of connection is not there. You do not meet my needs and if I could figure out how to make a D work I would.
I was overly dependent on her, got mad when she did not make me happy or meet my needs and over the years it wore her down to the point that she just could not stand being with me but did not want to hurt the kids or have other people think she was a bad person.
I change me, how I look at myself, how I interact with my kids and W and I started doing stuff that I enjoy doing. She is much happier, asks me about my new job, how my day at golf went and is willing to do things to help me. I in return have been taking the kids to more appointments and helping around the house with housework and redoing things she wanted done for years.
I changed and in doing so it changed our interactions. When I messed up on Thursday our R changed for the worse, when I went back to the new me on Friday it changed again. So to make a long point short, oh too late, you cannot change or control him but what you do will affect how the two of you interact thus changing the R. For better or worse that is your choice/ power.
