Thanks for that. But I'm still afraid of doing drugs to get myself to proper sanity. Did you ever see the movie THX 1138? No matter, I appreciate your help. But drugs is an area in which I am extremely jittery and have a lot of reservations. In my estimation, why stop with mood elevators? Why don't I just ask for a prefrontal lobotomy and get it over with once and for all?
Please don't get me wrong because of what I just said here. I do appreciate all the help, advice, and support that you, Phil, Puppy, iamlost, and everyone has given. I know you're all concerned. But the solutions that make the most sense to me are either a complete and permament separation from my emotions and my long-term memory, or leave this earth. Quite frankly, the latter appeals to me more because I'm old and tired, worn out, and I've done enough damage to everyone's lives. I know God can forgive me, and He can give me the rest I want, where I'll be able to rejoice again and I won't have any sadness about what's going on here. I also know I must wait for His time, I just can't bring myself to take my own life since that's His prerogative. But there is nothing wrong with me praying for deliverance.
