The Wifey - trying hard not to cry.

[Sanderika]

Hi Ken and all.......

Ken you are really on to something big here......

I grew up with an entire family of alcholics:

Both of my parents were while growing up and still are and are still alive. My Mother is worse than my Father. My Sister and I will not call them after 4:00pm.

My Father's Mother & Father and several other relatives were alcoholics.
In fact my Father's Father used to beat up his Mother when drunk and they divorced because of it. His Mother became a worse alcoholic after that. My Grandfather moved away and we never saw him so I don't know how he ended up. I didn't know him.

My Mother's Mother & Father were both alcoholics. My Mother's Father committed suicide when my mother was 15 because her mother was divorcing him because of it and then she went on to be a very heavy drinker until she died 3 years ago.
My Mother's Brother is so bad he cannot have a driver's license and has alienated himself from the whole family. He was married twice, both were alcoholics.
My Mother's Sister and her husband are both alcoholics.

It is so rampant in my family....I have one Sister and she and I do not drink. We both agree we have seen way to many of the actions created by these people when drinking to last us a lifetime and have vowed we will not let our children grow up this way.

There is no alcholism in my H family.

I am soooo sad right now and it made me cry when I read your post about ACOAs and I "FIT THE BILL TO A T". I could not disagree with any of the points you made.

My husband left me on 8/16/05. We are not divorced but remain separated. My H has been with the same OW since he left me. I have one S12.

When my H left me I was very depressed...overwhelmed exhausted and in need of a pity party. I was not interested in sex with my H at all....turned him down everytime. I hurt him so bad. I regret that sooooo much. I love my H and always will. I want him to come home....he doesn't trust me that I have changed 100% in the past 3 years. We have very limited contact now and I am working on being "dark" around him....it is way to hard most of the time. What I do do though is treat him with kindness and friendship. He will never see the depressed "sanderika" ever again. He admits he has seen my changes and perhaps that is a reason why he has not pressed for a divorce.

I could go on and on here......I feel like my life is written in this thread. If you are interested in my sitch further I have pretty much posted my whole life story on this BB. Click on my name to view my other posts if interested.

I have been on this ride for three years now and I am losing hope that my H will ever come back to me. The odds are against us. OW has a strong foothold now. He tells me he loves her and doesn't love me.

I am going to stay in touch.....

A Psalm I found as a teenager helps me everyday (and I am not religious):

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Psalm 30:5

My thoughts are with you all and I am grateful for each and everyone of you...I wish I had found this site 3 years
ago. I think my marriage would have been saveable then.

I spent 16 months begging, crying, talking, etc...all to no avail. He dug his heels in deeper and we grew further apart. I think at best we will come out of this as friends but not a married couple.

I am scared to death to give my heart away ever again. I have never been with anyone except my H and I am not willing to go down this road ever again. I don't think there is anyone out there worth the risk. I want to keep my H. Sorry if I am way to negative here. I am in C and I think I get better advice here than with her.

By the way my relationship with my Parents has deteriorated over the past 3 years to the point that I do not speak to them anymore unless forced to. My Sister is the same. My separation with H has brought my Parents to the place they were when I was a child and the memories for me are way to painful, when I am in their presense I feel like I am still the young child who doesn't deserve any respect or love.

I recently read the book "Women Who Love To Much" It is a wonderful book for people like me and it makes a correlation between alcoholism and women who obsessively love and control. My Sister has it now so I can't quote anything but it hit home for me and I would recommend it to anyone.

I will let someone else jump in now.....

Sanderika