karen, I read your post and it just started me crying again. Not only is this happening to me, but it's happening to much better people than me, people who just don't deserve it. I'm sorry you went through this. It's bad enough it's me because I knew better and I saw all the warning signs 26 years ago, but I thought maybe she'd want to set it all aside and develope self-respect.
I hope you are including yourself in the group of people that don't deserve it, because you don't deserve it either! I remember my first time at IC I told my therapist that I was horrible, and I really believed that. It took me getting over my depression and working on myself to realize that I am a good person, just as you are!
I think if everyone had hindsight or used 100% logic before getting married, no one would get married!!! My H has always been a little selfish so I had that as a warning sign, but did I pay attention to that, of course not! I think when we love people we tend to see them with rose-colored glasses and that is just something that happens. You have no control over what your W does essentially, so focus on what you do have control over which is you. Please try to work on your depression and making yourself happy and that will help.
Work on changing those things your wife was bothered about that you are bothered about also, like the anger or whatever that may be. Everyone has flaws and DBing has helped me to work on those: in my case I was a depressed and needy and no self-confidence person and I have worked on all of that. Work on making yourself the best you and your W will realize and then may or may not come back to you, you may or may not want to work on your marriage. But things will work out and you will have healthier, happier life and R as a result! Karen
