Good afternoon Christa, well I was up till 3:30.....so we neither one got much sleep, huh? I just have nights like that....part of the Fibromyalgia....has nothing to do with getting older...I'm sure of it! (lol)
Well, I am a dog lover too! Can't stand to see any animal mistreated in any way. Can't stand to see them in a cage, tied up or things of that nature. A fensed in back yard.....that's okay if it is big enough. I had a long hair minute dashound but she had to be put to sleep and it about killed me in the process, so that is something we share....a love for dogs.
Again, I cried when you talked about your dog and your dad. Man, that is something! But, I agree, they do have a sense when someone is sick, hurting or dying. So sweet and yet so sad.
You are so amazing Christa, to think you bought a house all by yourself! I wouldn't know the first thing about how to do that. Although I consider myself a strong independent woman in her own right.....I am from the old school (I know) and still depend on my H (mostly b/c I just don't want to do it...lol) to take care of certain parts of the "business details". Like with the cars, insuance and taxes......stuff like that. I keep telling myself that I need to do that b/c if something was to happen to him, I would need to know how to do it. I will make that my goal.
Okay, I haven't actually found my "thinking cap" yet.....been so busy taking care of/ or sticking my nose into other people's business this morning...lol. But anyway, I know you told me how the two of you met and how you flirted with him and chased him. Now, my question to you is......could you do this again or would you feel that fear rise up if he acted as though he was going to get angry at you and reject any type of flirting from you? Because, sweetheart, until you can overcome that part.....we are going to have to think of a different approach. That will be hard b/c we are talking about a part of your personality that would not be "free" to let loose on the man. (Did that make sense?) In other words, you would be trying to be something or somebody other than who you really are.
Okay, another question. Before all the loss you experienced, how would you react if/when your H ever raised his voice or showed his anger at you? Did you retreat? Were you afraid of him? Did your self-esteem hit zero level? Or, did that spit fireball of a woman get up in his face and let him know who he was dealing with? Maybe I am wrong here (I have been once or twice...but not much more than that..lol) but I have a feeling you didn't back down! Am I right? Has this new behavior and re-action to his action been since the S? If so, then it proves that what I have said previously is correct in that all you have been through with loosing the people you love....it all is affecting how you react with your H now.
Christa, I know you are a spunky gal. You know how I know? B/c you did not take a minute of his crap when you found out about him playing around with old girlfriend. You are my kind of girl! I don't blame you....I would have been out of there, too! But, somewhere after you left....this "fear" and "desparation" stated to take over who you really are...why? That's the big question.
So, now you are thinking you filed for D a bit hasty. Well, that sounds a lot like me, too.....hummm. Okay, so.......what would I do if I were in your shoes? Well, darn! I've got to go look for that cap, that's all there is to it!
Before I go, I just wanted to mention that I started to say something about Joyce Meyers to you before, but I didn't want you to think I was cramming all the preachers on TV down your throat. But she has even changed the name of her program to something like Enjoying Your Everyday Life....or something like that. She is very practical in her teaching on every day stuff that we have to live.....and she does a lot from a woman's POV. She doesn't get off into a lot of "doctrine", and I have watched her for a long time. She has illustrated a lot of things that I had not thought about before. I think she comes on the stations around here very early in the morning. Just about right for you.....lol. I'm sure she is on at different times of the day....just look in TV Guide if you can find something that resembles anything close to that title...lol.
Okay, I'll talk later. Going to go think now and it may cause a headache...lol.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
