peace,

I love what NG said above and I agree completely. Going through with the D may be something you have to do, but it doesn't have to mean the end for you and your H. It could be a new beginning for you, even if it's only a friendship and doesn't end up in M again.

You sound like you are dealing with this sitch relatively well. You've been given some great advice.

Have you consulted a L yet?

Hang in there.