I'm a couple of weeks into the AD's now...think there might be a small effect of lifting some of the real lows out of the mood. Still tired all the time, gosh I could sleep 14 hours a day!
I wanted to say thanks to you Ali when you said that this hasn't been a normal breakup situation. That was really helpful to me for some reason. It just hit home for me.
Upside, rRe: working out, not yet able to do that...started physio though, I think it will be a few more weeks due to the back and neck injuries before I'm running or going to the gym.
Lodo, I do feel like I've lost some respect for W. based upon her choices and way of handling all this stuff. I feel angry, hurt still. At the same time, I still love her very much and want to be with her...confusing and contradictory, isn't it? I don't know about what kind of contact to have right now. I had a dream last night that we kissed, it was wonderful, and then she pulled back and said "I have to do this [leave you] for me...it's what is right for me, to be free to be with someone else now." Then I woke up. Ugh, that still has me rattled today.
Yesterday was a tough one for me...Friday after work is this weird feeling of anxiety--I'm glad to be done work, but I feel sad and lonely about going home. This weekend I'm going to visit my folks for an overnight stay. I feel mixed about it, but honestly I think it will be better than sitting around here all weekend.
I am sorting through so many different emotions toward W.. I still love her very much. I feel like we were such a good fit for each other. In some of my journalling yesterday, the word "replaceable" kept coming up. I guess that's how I have felt. It's true I don't know how she is thinking/feeling, but there has never been any movement on her part toward reconciling in any of this. I have been feeling the finality of it all, like we will never be back together. It just upsets me greatly. Sometimes I understand the "it's more about her" thing, then it slips away.
