Is he trying to make me hate him??

[Lissie]

Oh your title just caught me eye.

I have lived with this sort of weird/hatred/are you kidding me/behavior for more than 2 years now.

Number 1- Keep your expectations of him doing anything remotely "normal" at zero.

It will keep you sane.

Number 2- detach. Blech. I have a love/hate relationship with detaching, but it has saved my life, and my so called sanity.

Number 3- Boundaries. Not easy. Especially if your STBX is anything like the bully my X is.

I am blessed enough to have 8 brothers that will pay him a visit when he gets to looney.

I know that X lives with OW, well GF i call her now, and has practically adopted her 3 children

That is all well and fine, I also know that my children spent all of their time with her and her kids and my X when they go to visit.

That is all well and fine.

I also know that I have NO control what so ever as to what happens when my children are there.

When is comes to my home, and my driveway, and our family parties and things of that nature. The OW is not allowed to come.

She knows it too.

If my children one day tell me, Mom we want Susan to come, then I am sure after I stomp my feet and have a fit, that I would say ok.

But as long as my children don't want her anywhere near any thing having to do with me or our family. She does not come.

May this change? Well um yes, have come to the conlusion that everytime i think something is set in stone, it is not.

So I would say have a list of reasonable boundaries.

If you can discuss this with him rationally, then please by all means do so.

If he is anything like My X (bless your heart, if he is) Then call in back up if you have any.

Be respectful and mature in your way of talking about it.

Make sure that this is not just b/c of jealousy and ranting, and all that jazz..

It took me a very long time to distinguish the 2

My being a brat, or what is best for the surroundings of my children and my family, and myelf.

I wish you luck and "strongs" as my grandmother used to say.

Let him be the idiot, you make sure to always take the high road, even when you have a book of matches in your hands and lighting him on fire would bring joy.

Think of your child and do the right thing.

HUGS