I am here too. I have a hard time "getting" everything but I try. One comment : I agree with the CALM DOWN comment. I don't know how you can do that, but you really need to calm down.
All these tragedies you have gone through probably played their role (Duh, yeah KALNI!!), you had to "adjust" to come through. Well, guess what? You made it. Now you can relax and lick your wounds. Maybe if you do that, you may realise your H is not really what you want, you want what he represents...(I am thinking out loud here) Kalni
