I've trying to grasp this principle: It is niced to be loved, accepted and forgiven, however, as we know not everyone is capable of doing that. In affect, the way I see it, if my wife is unable to forgive me of my past failures, I question the love that she may or may not of ever had for me.
I do not know your whole story, I'm sorry, and I do not know how you treated your wife in your marriage. I have tried to go back and catch up with people that have posted to me, and sometimes it just overwhelms me.
My response to your comment above is based on my situation.
I believe my wife spent many years thinking "It WOULD BE nice to be loved, accepted and forgiven by my husband"....to be loved unconditionally.
That is what I am asking of her now, is it not? To love ME unconditionally, regardless of my past wrongdoings.
I know I have not earned that....yet, but I am working on it.
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To me it is black and white, we try and grow together building on any good we had and enjoy the otherside of going through the rough times, or quit and hold to the regrets and negative feelings that have to been clinged to in order to go through a D.
To that, once again based on my sitch, I say what if the shoe were on the other foot? If I was fed up, had enough and wanted out? How much would I be willing to bend and work on? What if my wife had been a nagging, insecure control freak? I know one thing, I would not have lasted 19 years.
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I have one secret to share with you. It has helped me when I'm consistant with it. My W has been wanting a D for months now, but at this point she hasn't gone through with it and I believe one big reason is this one seamingly simple principle >>>> "A women never leaves a happy man!".
So be happy, joyful in any circumstance you find yourself in! Don't have serious talks, don't try to reason, don't tell her How much you need Her. If she is really wanting a D., it will just make her lose respect for you.
So Be Happy! Even if she leaves and never gives you the " i need you, and want you again message." you must be happy! After all, what good is it to be any other way.
PS after doing this for several weeks consistantly, my W was thinking that I was leaving, and hugged me and said, I've never been more attrated to you. Since then, I let things slip in get back in my old " try and control the situation mode" and our relationship is slipping again.... therefore I'm going to get focused again, and not critize, complain, grip, try and reason, or beg..... just be happy.
I wish the best for you.... I glad to know someone has a similar situation... perhaps it can turn out good for both of us
. Ahhh..."the secret"...I had it for a while, and it slipped a bit. Trying very hard this last week or two to figure out exactly what I was doing RIGHT, rather than focusing on what I am doing wrong now. Fumbling a bit lately...especially the last couple of days.
Good to talk to you Eric...let me know if you have a current thread and I will stay in touch as you are right, we seem to have similar sitches. Feel like I need to connect more with the guys that have the live in WAW.
