Nikki - you have given me such hope, and I thank you. I too would like to read your sitch, I'd love to follow how this all turned around. I read all of this thread, amazing! And such control you show! I have such issues with that. I am a control freak and yet I can't control my own emotions or mouth!
My H never wore his ring, hardly ever, so how awesome your's is definitely thinking about it's significance and his commitment. I can only hope mine gets there someday. I actually gave my H my wedding band back, and said that I hoped someday he would give it back to me, and guess what? He lost it. It was actually a 10 year anniversary ring with 10 diamonds and he lost it. Guess that says alot, huh?
If you find your threads, let me know, I'd love to read. Your H sounds like he is right there with you.
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
Me: Hey - you're wearing your ring too eh? H: Yes - it fits. Me: Did you think it wouldn't? (I thought he meant he gained weight or something) H: No I mean it FITS. It feels good. Me: I'm so glad.
We were at a restaurant (I know, treating ourselves to dinners out 2 nights in a row, we're bad!! ) . After that brief talk we held left hands across the table for a few minutes just smiling. I almost cried but didn't, and then our dinner arrived. The waiter gave us a very "awww two people in love" kinda look and smile when he put down our plates. Felt soooo good.
ST, Michelle, Rusty - thanks for visiting!!
I tried searching the archives but couldn't find my old posts - I know I've got the links saved somewhere though, so I'll try to track them down. For awhile I was saving all my threads as a "journal" but it's been awhile since I did that. Good reminder to go back and download them all too.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
NikB - how great - I am so happy for you! I want to be just like you! I would say when I grow up - but I'm way older than you! You have such a chance to live a very happily ever after! Good for you.
Do you think your H was in a MLC or just confused? Sounds like you handled things so well. Did you ever backslide?
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
Rusty - I sure hope so this time. I can't go through this again, I know that much.
MLC.. confused.. who knows. I think that the biggest problem in our case was that I was depressed for a long time, and I didn't really see it. Top that off with a broken leg and H having to be my "caretaker" not long into our M - and me not quite recovering from it as quickly and strongly as I could/should have (I was depressed and it didn't put "my all" into it). Then.. right around the time the leg thing happened, H started at a new job with a LOT of very young guys who are/were in "party all the time" mode. I mean literally most were just turning 21... I lost track of how many "all nighters" he pulled at bars to celebrate 21st BDays. And then, meeting his "good friend" at work who needed "help" getting out of her marriage... well, it just all came together and WHAM. The actual bomb finally happened when I refused to be around OW anymore (I went through a year of trying to be her friend, ick ick ick). There's oh so much more to the story but that's a very quick summary.
I've come to feel that the "MLC" label doesn't actually mean all that much. I mean it DOES, but I don't think "calling" it that makes much difference.
Did I ever backslide?? OMG.. I really do need to find my old threads.
SD - thank you!! So great to hear from you, I need to catch up on you soon.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
OK rambly journaling.. this is more like the style of my "older" posts, going on and on and on.. but a different person I swear.
So I had a great day today... I can't even explain it but it was SO NICE to be with H and feeling (somewhat) secure as his W. Too funny.. when we married we didn't give the rings much importance. Mine is literally from eBay - liked the style, so we bought it. His is a cheapie ring from Sears. Being a mechanic I didn't think he'd be able to wear it much so I didn't buy him a nice one. Once he actually wore it, I planned to get him a nice one for our 5th anniversary - but that's when the bomb dropped.
Given that history it's weird how the ring thing makes me feel sooo much better. I think because of the significance HE has placed on it.
We've had our "good times" before but today seemed different - just felt like we'd finally let out that breath we've both been holding and it was going to be OK. I hope I'm not crazy and setting myself up again but it's just this feeling, I can barely explain it.
We went to a friend's 2-year-old's BD party. A lot of old friends there, people he avoided in the worst of things. Most of them don't even know about the sep, those that do were shocked at how "good" we seemed. So many 180's.. the biggest being that when everyone got in the pool I used to kinda hide out in the house, or a shady chair, or whatever. Partly self-conscious about my leg (and icky scars), partly about body image. Today - we got there, I changed into my swimsuit and (I am still shocked) wore it all day! I didn't get ALL the way in the water because it was F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G but I got on the step, and had a few water fights from there with H.
They had these foam floatie "noodle" things in the pool - H has figured out those make awesome squirt guns if you fill them up and either sneakily dump the water on someone, or blow the water out from one side. So of course he kept squirting me. Old me would've been pissed. Today I kept laughing and figuring out ways to get him back.. and I kept thinking.. OMG, why did I let myself be so unhappy for so long??? Not dwelling, not at all!, but thinking "This is FUN, why would I have denied myself this before?"
At one point he had the foam floatie thing filled up with water, loaded and ready to shoot someone. All afternoon it was like a strategy game to see who could get who first.. it was really fun. I was "winning" at first but he later outsmarted me so he was happy too. At one point my big theory was when he went to dump the water on me I'd blow it back the other way onto him. Unfortunately I took a breath at the WAY wrong time - I was going for "deep breath right before it gets to me" and instead took a deep breath right as he was trying to dump the water on my head! So I almost inhaled about 1/2 gallon of water.. luckily it shot right down my throat and I ended up swallowing it. EWWWW... but I didn't inhale it at least! And I didn't get upset. Instead I laughed hysterically. Tells me that those changes, the commitment to make the best of things, have REALLY stuck. Felt so good.
I looked and H was really freaked out. I said "What? That was so funny! What's the matter?" He said "I could've drowned you!! Please cough, make sure there's no water in your lungs." I even said "Babe I'm laughing, obviously I can breath." and he said "I know, I know, but please cough just in case.. do we need to do something to get the water out of your lugns?" Interesting "switch" eh? I did end up inhaling some water... not much. The body's an impressive thing and thought the water was better off in my stomach, I guess. I coughed a bit but I'm fine now (will pay attention to it this week just to make sure though). It felt SO GOOD that he cared, he was way more worried than even *I* was.. and yet, not to the point of "oh great she's sick/hurt/etc" again. It's hard to explain... but it just felt good.
OK.. long rambly story.. but hey it's good to post some of those that are positive now and then, right??
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Awww thanks Michelle!! I love those 180s that aren't even intentional.. they're just part of the "new me."
Man.. finally a day where you can almost, halfway see the sky and you got stuck inside all day?? I'm sorry!! The party was out in the "pocket" area near the river and driving back we could see this wall of smoke. The weird thing was, we realized, it's been so smoky EVERYWHERE that you couldn't even see the "wall" before. It was almost nice to at least see the point at which we were driving into it.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
NikB...is that what you prefer to be called? I've been catching up on you, and just wanted to say that I'm excited things are going so well. I'm also very encouraged, because your sitch is so similar to mine. I'm glad you guys are doing well and it sounds like you are doing great things...I have noticed in my sitch that when things were going well (for the 3 months after he moved home) I quit making plans outside the M, quit GALing. That was not a good decision on my part! Be sure to remember to keep that up in spite of how great things are going! I'll be watching out for you and rooting from a distance (literally...I'm in Florida)!!!!
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
) . After that brief talk we held left hands across the table for a few minutes just smiling. I almost cried but didn't, and then our dinner arrived. The waiter gave us a very "awww two people in love" kinda look and smile when he put down our plates. Felt soooo good. 