I am moving my comments and thoughts over to this thread before the other thread locks. the pre-divorce arrangement with the children is out of my experience area. I do agree that you need to let your wife move out if that is what she intends to do. I think, only my opinion, that sharing the kids 50/50 at this point isn't a bad thing. The hard reality is that this is whats going to happen if your divorce is finalized and may be even beneficial to you in the end. I would appreciate some input from Sandi2 and other WAWs, but here are my thoughts. It seems that you put a lot of effort into taking care of the children that maybe going unappreciated. Your wife may find out that taking care of the children without your help is harder than she thinks. Everybody at one point or another thinks they can do everything on there own without help and then the reality sinks in eventually. The downside to this action is the OW may move in with your wife and offer support with the childcare. It is hard to say.
What if you tried this approach and others can beat me if they think I am wrong. Agree to her moving out and 50/50 custody of the kids. Then offer her to help her with rent payments with a few conditions;
1-You can pay half her rent, but half of what you pay gets credited to the amount you are going to pay her to get her share of the house. This has many benefits to both of you...she can afford a better place for the kids. She gets the feel of raising kids alone. you get some space to heal. Finally you start paying off some of the house payoff amount.
2-She doesn't move some one else in. She does that and end of deal. No need for you to pay for her friends living arrangement.
Get all of this in writing and notarized.
Another thought with this pertaining to the OW. If there is indeed something going on, this maybe a wake up call to both of them. Raising children is not always a walk in the park as we all know. Another point I want you to consider is this. Could your wife have been the cause of the breakup with the other partner? If that is the case, the OW could be less than committed in long term relationships. So looking at the OW, it could be perceived that her longings for others wanders from her current partner (whoever that is) and there is a good chance it will happen again. If you read Michelle's statistics, there is a lot of stress put on the other person in an affair situation when it becomes the main relationship. Your wife is carrying emotional baggage, children, sexual confusion, and a ex-husband. To me, that doesn't sound like a lot of fun and a harsh slap of reality to the face. It is definitely hard to party ever night when some one has kids....so that form of fun will definitely be cut back also. Maybe your wife moving out is the reality taste she needs.
